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Before you were a grandma, you would hear other grandmas talk about how amazing it is to have that title and how there is no other feeling like it.
“Okay, we get it!” I wanted to shout, but instead, I would smile, nod along, and roll my eyes when she wasn’t looking.
Fast forward several years, and you don’t need me to tell you that grandkids are worth the hype!
As you have gathered by now, I love to write, whether making lists, jotting down things in a planner, or working through emotions in a journal or letter. Today, I would like to share the emotional letter I wrote shortly before becoming a grandma for the first time. I can look back on it now and smile, but I can still remember that overwhelming anxiety like it was yesterday.
Here it is – The letter to my grandchildren that highlights the simultaneous joy, anxiety, and love that I felt in the days leading up to my first grandbaby’s birth:
Little one,
You don’t know me yet – actually, I don’t even know you yet! – but you are a very special someone I have been waiting to meet my entire life.
I hope that I don’t come off too strong in saying that.
Actually, it’s fine if I do because I am your grandma, and I have loved you more than anything since I learned of you. I have prayed and prayed for you, and you will be here before long.
Whoever said that God doesn’t answer prayers doesn’t have grandchildren!
Though you will soon be here, I will continue to pray:
A prayer of thanksgiving for giving us a grandchild and for our growing family.
A prayer asking for forgiveness for all of my shortcomings (and to help me be the best grandma I can be).
A prayer that the world may be a kinder place now that you’re here.
The last of those prayers worries me the most, dear one. Today’s world is not the one I grew up in, and it isn’t fair.
The screens.
The dangers of the internet.
The stranger danger and not being allowed to play outside by yourself.
It shouldn’t have to be this way. You aren’t even here yet, and I want to cry and apologize to you for not doing more to prevent the bad in this world.
While I will still worry (after all, I am still your grandma!), I do find solace in the fact that God knows what He is doing. Always.
Before He created Adam and Eve, He knew He would make YOU and just when and where to put you.
He knew what this day and age would look like, and He knew to put you here.
Not only did He put you here, but He also made me your grandma.
Of the nearly 8 billion people on this earth (and the billions who have come before us), I get to be your grandma. He’s had that planned all along, and I am so grateful for that.
Queen Elizabeth and Princes William and Harry.
Kris Jenner and… whatever Kim’s kids’ names are.
You and me.
I like the sound of that… don’t you?
“The best moms are promoted to grandmas.”
My sister just gifted me a mug with these words. While I still feel unworthy, I look forward to learning and doing my best to be your grandma.
I love you, and I can’t wait to meet you.
While I still feel many of these emotions (especially the anxiety of the unknown), I feel more confident in my ability as a grandma. Am I perfect? Heavens no! But I love these kids more than life itself, and I know I am doing my best. (They all seem to like me alright, so I am doing something right!)
On an unrelated note, I am surprised at how badly the Queen Elizabeth (God rest her soul) and Prince Harry comment aged… I can’t say I saw that coming!
If you will be a grandma soon, I hope you find solace in my words – you’ve got this, grandma! Even more importantly, God has this.
God bless you, my fellow grandmas.
