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As grandmothers, we have lived through enough mistakes, disappointments, and difficult seasons to know that a little wisdom can save someone a great deal of trouble.
That is why advice often comes so naturally to us.
When our grandchild is struggling, we want to tell them what to do, how to fix it, and how to avoid making the same mistake again. Our advice usually comes from love. We are trying to protect them.
But there are moments when a grandchild does not need another solution.
They need someone to remind them that they are capable, loved, and not alone.
Advice tells them what they should do next. Encouragement gives them the strength to take that next step themselves.
Here are some of the moments when encouragement may be the most loving thing Grandma can offer.
When They Have Already Tried Their Best
When your grandchild has studied hard, practised for weeks, or given something their full effort, advice can sometimes sound like criticism.
They may already be replaying every mistake in their mind. Hearing, “You should have done this differently,” can make them feel as though their hard work did not count.
This is the moment to notice their effort before discussing the result.
You might say, “I saw how hard you worked, and I am so proud of the way you kept going.”
That does not mean pretending everything went perfectly. It simply means letting them know that their value is not measured by one outcome.
When They Have Failed at Something
Failure can make a child or young adult question everything about themselves.
A failed test may become, “I am not smart.”
A lost competition may become, “I am not talented.”
A rejected application may become, “I will never succeed.”
Advice given too quickly may feel like confirmation that they were not good enough.
Before offering a plan, help them separate what happened from who they are.
Say, “This did not go the way you hoped, but it does not define you.”
Once they feel steady again, they may be ready to talk about what they can learn. Encouragement helps them understand that failure is an event, not an identity.
When They Are Trying Something New
Starting something new often comes with excitement and fear at the same time.
Your grandchild may be beginning a new school, trying out for a team, learning to drive, starting a job, or moving away from home.
They may already have a long list of instructions from parents, teachers, coaches, or managers.
What they may need from Grandma is a calm voice saying, “You do not have to know everything on the first day. You will learn as you go.”
Encouragement gives them permission to be a beginner.
It reminds them that being nervous does not mean they are unprepared. It often means they care.
When They Are Comparing Themselves to Others
Young people are surrounded by comparisons.
They compare grades, looks, friendships, talents, clothes, jobs, relationships, and achievements. Social media can make it seem as though everyone else is moving ahead while they are standing still.
This is not the best moment to give a speech about gratitude or tell them to stop comparing.
Begin by reminding them of what is special about their own journey.
Say, “You do not have to grow at the same speed as anyone else. Your life is allowed to unfold in its own time.”
Your encouragement may help them stop seeing life as a race they are losing.
When They Are Heartbroken
Heartbreak does not always need to be repaired with advice.
Whether they have lost a friendship, experienced a breakup, been left out, or felt betrayed, they may need room to hurt without being told what they should have noticed sooner.
Even well-meant comments such as, “I never liked that person anyway,” can make them feel embarrassed for caring.
Instead, try saying, “I am sorry you are hurting. You loved sincerely, and there is nothing foolish about that.”
Sit with them in the sadness before trying to guide them out of it.
Sometimes encouragement sounds less like a speech and more like, “You will not feel this way forever, and I will be here while you heal.”
When They Feel Behind in Life
Older grandchildren may worry that they are not where they should be.
Perhaps their friends are graduating, getting married, buying homes, or building careers while they still feel uncertain.
Advice can accidentally add pressure, especially when it sounds like a list of deadlines.
They may need to hear, “There is no single timetable for a good life.”
Encourage the progress they are making, even when it looks small from the outside.
A grandchild who feels behind does not need to be rushed. They need someone who believes their future is still full of possibility.
When They Are Learning From a Mistake
There is certainly a time for correction. However, once a grandchild understands that they made a mistake, repeating the lesson may only increase their shame.
Ask yourself whether they need more instruction or whether they already feel terrible enough.
You can still hold them accountable while offering hope.
Try saying, “You made a poor choice, but I know you can make a better one next time.”
This tells them that you see the mistake clearly, but you also see beyond it.
Children and young adults are more likely to grow when they believe we have not given up on them.
When Their Confidence Has Been Shaken
A harsh comment from a teacher, coach, classmate, friend, or family member can stay in a grandchild’s mind for a long time.
They may begin doubting abilities they once felt proud of.
This is not the moment to tell them they are being too sensitive.
Remind them that one person’s opinion is not the final truth about them.
You might say, “That comment may have hurt, but it does not erase everything you are good at.”
Be specific with your encouragement. Instead of only saying, “You are wonderful,” remind them of the patience, courage, creativity, or kindness you have seen in them.
Specific encouragement feels believable.
When They Are Exhausted
Sometimes a grandchild is not lazy, unmotivated, or careless.
They are simply tired.
School, work, friendships, family expectations, and personal worries can build up. Advice about working harder may make them feel even more overwhelmed.
Before telling them how to improve their schedule, acknowledge what they have been carrying.
Say, “You have had a lot on your shoulders lately. It makes sense that you feel tired.”
Encouragement may also mean giving them permission to rest without making them feel guilty.
Rest can be part of moving forward.
When They Are Waiting for an Answer
Waiting can be difficult, especially when the outcome matters.
Your grandchild may be waiting for exam results, a college response, a job offer, medical news, or an answer from someone they care about.
There may be nothing they can do to speed things up.
Advice is not very helpful when the situation is out of their hands.
What they need is reassurance.
Say, “No matter what the answer is, we will face it one step at a time.”
Encouragement gives them something steady to hold onto while they wait.
When They Are Brave Enough to Open Up
When a grandchild shares something personal, it is a sign of trust.
They may be telling you about a fear, mistake, insecurity, or problem they have hidden from everyone else.
If we immediately begin correcting, questioning, or lecturing, they may regret opening up.
Begin with appreciation.
Say, “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.”
Listen carefully. Ask whether they want your advice or whether they simply need someone to hear them.
That small question can protect the closeness between you.
When They Are Close to Giving Up
There are times when a grandchild may not need a detailed plan. They simply need one person to believe they can continue.
Your words may become the little push that helps them try one more time.
You can say, “You do not have to solve everything today. Just take the next small step.”
Encouragement does not promise that the road will be easy. It reminds them that they have faced difficult days before and can face this one too.
How to Know What They Need
Before giving advice, pause and ask yourself a few gentle questions.
Have they already heard plenty of advice?
Do they seem ashamed, frightened, or discouraged?
Are they asking for a solution, or are they asking to feel understood?
You can also ask them directly, “Would you like my thoughts, or do you just need me to listen and cheer you on right now?”
That question shows respect. It allows your grandchild to tell you what kind of support would help most.
Grandma’s Encouragement Stays With Them
Advice may solve one problem, but encouragement can shape the way a grandchild sees themselves.
Years later, they may forget exactly what happened. However, they may always remember that Grandma believed in them when they were unsure of themselves.
There will still be moments when your wisdom is needed. Your experience is valuable, and your guidance can help them avoid unnecessary pain.
But wisdom also means knowing when not to fix everything.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is:
“I believe in you.”
“I am proud of how hard you are trying.”
“One difficult moment does not decide your future.”
“You are allowed to learn as you go.”
“I am right here beside you.”
Those words may not give your grandchild every answer, but they can give them the courage to find their own.
