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I asked, and, as always, you delivered!
I’m always giving my two cents (whether right or wrong, hehe), so I asked you, my fellow Devoted Grandmas, what advice you would give to a new grandma! There is some excellent advice here, so I recommend new and old grandmas alike read the following tidbits for a few grandparenting tips and tricks!
(In case you missed it, I periodically ask questions in my newsletter. I also want to hear from you, so be sure to subscribe!)
Being a Grandma is a privilege denied to many, just be yourself, natural and kind. Grandchildren are a special joy. -Iris
Remember everything is different now. I was way to aggressive with my “old” advice. Blessings as usual. Happy Easter. Live this every day. Look forward to the message. -Barbara
Most important - Give the new parents time to adjust as a new family! If you do visit - especially for an extended time - don't behave like a guest. Offer to help in any way possible. Throw out ideas, be it laundry (wash and/or fold), cooking, cleaning, shopping, taking care of baby so they can get some sleep. Don't overstay your welcome. Don't offer unsolicited advice. And when/if they ask for help? Don't take over w/o asking if they'd like you to show them. Always remember that this is *their* baby - not yours. Remind them that they know their baby best. Yes - even better than you do. -Anna
Do not give unsolicited advice! Unless it is a dangerous situation just keep quiet. -Nancy
Just love them unconditionally, that is our role as grandparents!! I also try to remember what it was like to raise 4 boys and be open and willing to help out whenever I am able without stepping on the parents toes. I know how much I appreciated the help and encouragement when my sons were little. -Debbie
My offers of advice are : 1) enjoy as much as you can, but don't take over. 2) listen to what the parents are saying and respect their wishes. It's their turn now, you've already gone through parenthood. If you're lucky they'll turn to for advice anyway. 3) each and every child is different, so don't be concerned what another one is doing, but if you are concerned about your grandchild, speak the parents, but choose your words carefully so you don't cause upset. 4) don't try to make amends with your grandchild from mistakes you made with your own children. Being a grandparent is a promotion from parenthood. It's a blessing in every form. -Claire
Just be there, the love those babies give us is soo wonderful -Tonia
Enjoy your grandchild but ask questions about the parents want as guidelines. Too easy to step over the line if you don’t get the game plan right. Have fun! -Diane
Please don’t just jump in. Wait and say “may I help.” Or ask what can I do to help. Please watch your tone of voice. So much is contained on out tone when we speak. -Peg
Be open to direction and new ways of doing things as a lot has changed since we gave birth! -Eileen
Ask questions..."How can I best help you?" Around the house, laundry, meals, other children's schedules, husband's schedule, errands, etc. New moms also need reminders to drink water, take time to "regroup" life with a new little human in the dailiness. -Pam
Simply ask, "How can I best help you?" -Meg
Under the advice for a new Grandma; I would say: Stay connected; don't spoil them; respect their parents ; show them love; make their special days like birthday, Christmas, graduation,etc ; very special. As they get older let them know that they can depend on you & can talk to you about anything. Keep good communication with parents. -Mary
I will say unless it is a safety issue do NOT give an unsolicited opinion! It’s your child's role, responsibility as well as learning experience to parent. Do not always show up with a gift. If so, they will expect one every time they see you! You want them to enjoy seeing YOU not what’s in your bag. Abide the rules of their house. When at my house, I do stretch them at times, like more cookies, later bedtime, etc. -Sherron
I would say just read to them, spend time with them and always hug them and tell them you love them. -Vickie
So as I am the only Grandparent who sees her frequently.. usually 2-3 times a week, I get to spoil her with affection! I do a lot to help my daughter out, with rides to practice, childcare when needed. Because my granddaughter has limited access to a lot of family, I try to take her on special outings such as nature walks, museums, State parks, things like that. And I have also posted lots of pictures of my beautiful granddaughter on Facebook over the years!! -Laura
Trust your instincts! You've been doing it all right so far. -Carol
Best advice for new grandma is always check with parents before visiting, especially with a new born. -Kenda
You can love grand babies with out spoiling them. -Loretta
Remember that your kids will be going to their phones for advice not to you necessarily it’s not a disrespectful thing. It’s just a cultural thing. So give yourself some grace when they’re not particularly interested in what your opinion is. -Rhonda
Try to accept your in-law child without criticism. Always look for and focus on the best and no matter how difficult a couple can be with their first child, you will be welcome for the long term. Do not take offense to their quirks during this learning curve for all of you. Anything that bothers you, lift it to Jesus! I have 5 in-law children and have 9 grandchildren plus 3 on the way ages 21 and less. I learned these things from my Momma’s mistakes and the awkwardness it caused for us children, in-laws, and grandchildren. May God Bless this wonderful new season in your life. -Patricia
Listen to what your grandchild's parents are saying. They will give you the direction you need. Some will want lots of advice and help, others will want none of your advice. I have both! It's a fine line, but if I listen and don't assume anything, most times all goes smoothly. Children are raised so differently than I was and the way I mostly raised my children. I want as much time with my grands as I can get, and to do that, I have to follow their rules! -Lisa
Savour every moment!! Love them!! -Rita
I am a grandmother of 7 with my 8th on the way. I never give advice unless asked. I do, however, talk about different things I did that worked for different kids. I always encourage my kids to listen to "advice"--asked for or not--but then to trust their own instincts. I am available always to support my grown children but am fully confident in their abilities to parent and respect that. I have a wonderful relationship with all my kids and that is part of the reason why I don't try to usurp their parenting authority. I love being a Gramma! -Michelle
I became a grandmother when my daughter was 16. I could feel myself becoming a parent to the baby. We talked and she just wanted me to help. After her 4th child was born 8 years later she did become the Mom and I the grandmother. However they lost their Mom when the youngest was only 15. I was and became the mother figure. Now those grandkids have their own kids. I am involved in their lives but not the way I was involved in the grandchildren's lives. The parents are the parents and I follow their rules. When they ask for advice I suggest ways to do things. I also ask how can I help. Most of all I just enjoy being a real grandmother even though I am the great grandmother. -Edith
Tell the parents you are here for them but don’t be pushy. They are learning how to be parents just like we are learning to be grandparents. -Ruth
My advice is, if you are able to, get down on the floor to play with them. No t.v. or other distractions. Make them feel like they are all that matters ❤️ -Cindy
Just remember when you were a new parent and your parents had all the answers. Just be honest with them that you don’t want to do anything that will affect their rearing your grandchildren but then tell them you will be doing as you want because you are their mother and this is your grandchild. You all ready did this and know what you would of done differently if you had a second chance ,so this is your chance. The amount of time you are with that should be positive. mom and dad has the job of discipline. But follow their rules for safety , but cookies and junkfood is not your problem or bedtimes. Your time is fun time. -Beverly
Offer help. Don’t insist. Or just do it! Some don’t like that at all. Never question their parenting. Think a loooong time before offering. Blessings. She’ll be a fine gramaw. -Cheryl
My advice for new grandmothers is this: always be supportive. My favourite question, especially when tension runs high, is to ask "How can I help?". And then be willing to do that thing their way and without criticism. Another tip is that parenting today is completely different from even 20 years ago so, before giving "old-fashioned" advice, I ask what Google says (because I know my son/daughter has already "Googled it".😊) Finally, the only thing that has never changed and never will is the power of love. I try to leave my insecurities and over-sensitivity behind and focus on the needs of the parents (the baby will be just fine). Two of our grand babies had severe colic (today they call it acid reflux). They needed holding and rocking 24/7 for the first 2-3 months. Fortunately, my husband and I were retired by then so we were able to help out in many ways even though we lived 2 hours away. Sometimes just a compassionate ear on the phone is enough to keep Mom and Dad from desperation. -Christina
Offer to help with housework, not the baby, take care of the mom, not the baby, tell the mom she’s doing a great job, even when you think she should be doing things differently. -Bonus advice from Christina's daughter
Would say it is not about what you but them, it is the experiences with you that they will remember. -Brenda
She earned this spot. She deserves to have time with the grands. That new momma needs some ME time and grandma is free to help her get it. My advice ask for grandma time! -Regina
Just be patient and offer help only if they ask you for help. You may offer to help around the house..but don’t be like your the boss. -Charlotte
just let your spirit “soar”…… -Dorinda
My advice for a newbie grandma! Patience! My first grandchild! I wanted to be there to help! I could cook, let her sleep while I watched the baby. (grammy brain) NOPE! She needed time alone with her husband and the new baby. She had alot of new mom anxiety and having me there even tho she loved me and we have a great relationship it was just too much! Since I live out of state we agreed I'd wait ( a lifetime) one month before my visit! It has been the same for grandson #2. We have grandson #3 due in May. I will probably wait til 4th of July. Just kidding! -Donna
Do not volunteer hints…. Just give advice when asked. Babysit when you are asked and let the parents know when you are available…. Love every moment you get with grands because the time goes by very fast. -Mary Lew
Prepare to bite your tongue..a lot! -Fran
I understand not wanting to step on toes. I recommend no unsolicited advice to the new parents. If the ask - that’s something else. But being available while Mom takes a shower, picking up groceries, making meals in the early days was appreciated by my daughter and daughter-in-law with their kids. It’s amazing how many baby snuggles you can get in song all that. -Jan
For a first Time Grandma Its best to let the parents do the first 3 weeks alone .let the new parents learn their new baby . But if they call and say Mama Help I didn't think about all the hours and missed sleep I wouldn't get . Then by all means go over and let the new mother take a refreshing nap . And doing so she will make an incredible bond with the baby. But if they are doing good let them Then on the 4 week go over and let the new family member get to know grandma . And then ask the parents if they would like a night out and enjoy the quite time . But remind her to not let this become a habit. Because it can and then the Grandma is always watching the baby and the parents are always saying MAMA WATCH THE BABY and then Grandma and Grandpa is raising the baby. -Annette
Embrace the new grand baby. ❤️ them and spoil them. -Renee
Avoid telling mom how we used to do it. Things change every generation just like it was with our moms. Wait for them to ask for advice. Parenting is hard enough especially with a newborn. Offer to let mom take a nap or shower while you watch baby. -Debbie
I have been very fortunate for the most part. My granddaughters with children are very receptive to my knowledge. However, my granddaughter-in-law isn’t quite so receptive. I have a lot of contact with 5 of the 6 great grands and my girls all agree that my extensive experience (all the grands plus 16 years of volunteer work in our local NICU) is very valuable. The one rule I’ve had since my first grandson was born 31 years ago is that when in my house it’s my rules. I’m not one of those “spoil them” grandmother. Oh, they get spoiled, but they are also expected to respect my home and my things. I have no problem handing out time outs or correcting behaviors I don’t approve of, whether or not parents are present. As for my granddaughter-in-law, I tried once to give my opinion and got politely shut down. Now I keep my mouth shut with her unless I’m asked. They live out of town so it’s not too difficult. My advice is test the waters. If your input is accepted then go for it, but if not let the parents take the lead. However, I will always keep the rule of my house my rules. It’s all a learning curve. She’ll get comfortable with her role quickly. Just always remember these littles are a gift from God. Never break that connection. -Pamela
There you have it: Some stellar advice from one grandma to another! I want to echo the above and re-iterate that grandmas should savor every moment, as it goes by too quickly! If you are looking for even more advice, please check out the new (and FREE!) Devoted Grandma’s Circle. I can’t wait to chat with you there!
