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Being a grandma is one of the greatest joys in life. Our hearts light up when those little arms wrap around us, or when we hear “Grandma!” shouted across the room. But as precious as our bond is, it doesn’t always grow on its own; it needs tending, just like a garden. And sometimes, without even realizing it, we overlook things about our grandkids that could make the relationship even stronger.
If we truly want to make strides in our connection with them, here are ten things we must stop ignoring—because each one holds the key to building a bond they’ll treasure for life.
1. Their Changing Interests
Children are little whirlwinds of curiosity. One week they’re obsessed with dinosaurs, the next week it’s video games, and by next month they’re painting rainbows or making TikToks. If we keep bringing up last year’s favorite cartoon, they might feel like we don’t really see who they are right now.
Instead, let’s keep asking questions like, “So, what’s your new favorite thing these days?” Imagine their delight when Grandma actually knows the name of their favorite soccer player or the character from the latest kids’ show. By keeping up, we show them that their passions matter to us, even when they change by the season.
2. The Way They Express Themselves
Our grandkids are trying on identities like clothes in a dressing room, through their fashion, hair, music, or even the slang they use. Sometimes, we might be tempted to laugh or criticize. But when we dismiss their self-expression, we risk shutting down their openness with us.
For example, if your granddaughter dyes her hair blue and you say, “Why would you do that to your pretty hair?” she may not come to you next time she wants to share something bold. But if you say, “That’s a fun choice! What made you pick blue?” you create space for trust. We don’t have to love every trend they chase; we just have to respect the courage it takes for them to be themselves.
3. Their Feelings—Big or Small
It’s easy to wave away a child’s frustrations. A broken toy or a squabble with a friend may seem small compared to the hardships we’ve seen in our own lives. But to a child, those moments are big. When we brush them off with “That’s nothing” or “You’ll get over it,” they feel unheard.
Instead, we can say, “I can see that upset you. Want to tell me more?” That one line tells them their emotions matter. Our grandkids don’t need us to solve everything, they just need us to listen. And when they grow into teenagers, that habit of listening will become priceless.
4. Their Boundaries
We grandmas love hugging, fussing, and offering advice. But as our grandkids grow, they start developing boundaries. Maybe they don’t want to be kissed in front of friends. Maybe they want to make their own choices about what to wear or eat. If we bulldoze over those boundaries, even with love, they may start to pull away.
Instead, let’s honor their space. If they hesitate at a hug, we can ask, “Would you like a hug today, or a high-five instead?” That small act of respect tells them we see them as individuals. And ironically, the more we respect their boundaries, the more likely they are to come closer to us on their own.
5. The Friends They Keep
Our grandkids’ friends shape their values, choices, and self-esteem. If we ignore that part of their lives, we miss an important window into who they’re becoming.
Instead of drilling them with questions, we can show genuine interest: “Tell me about your best friend—what do you like most about them?” If a red flag comes up, we can gently guide without judgment. But when we celebrate the positive friendships, we reinforce the idea that Grandma is a safe place to talk about the people they care about.
6. The Effort They’re Making
It’s easy to cheer when our grandkids score a goal or bring home a glowing report card. But sometimes we forget to applaud the journey that got them there. If we only recognize results, they might feel our pride is conditional.
Think of your grandson who practices basketball every evening, even if he doesn’t make the team. Or your granddaughter who studies for hours yet earns only a modest grade. By saying, “I’m so proud of how hard you worked,” we remind them that their value isn’t tied to perfection, it’s tied to persistence. That lesson will stay with them long after the trophies gather dust.
7. Their Curiosity
Grandkids are little detectives. They’ll ask why the sky is blue, how airplanes fly, and what makes cookies rise. Sometimes, after a long day, we might sigh and say, “I don’t know, don’t ask me.” But each question is really a door into their mind.
Even if we don’t know the answer, we can say, “That’s a good question—let’s look it up together.” Imagine them remembering Grandma as the person who not only listened to their questions but also helped them explore the answers. That’s how curiosity turns into connection.
8. Their Struggles With Growing Up
Growing up isn’t easy. From bullying to peer pressure to body changes, kids today face challenges we didn’t face at their age. Sometimes the signs are subtle, a child who’s suddenly withdrawn, or a teen who’s unusually irritable. If we ignore those signs, we may miss the chance to help.
Instead, let’s lean in with gentle concern: “I’ve noticed you seem a little quiet lately. Do you want to talk about it?” Even if they don’t open up right away, they’ll remember Grandma noticed, and that she cared enough to ask. That memory can be the seed of a future conversation when they’re ready.
9. Their Achievements (Big and Small)
Not every milestone comes with a medal. Did your grandchild finally learn to ride a bike without training wheels? Did they draw a picture that they’re proud of? Did they make the effort to be kind to someone at school?
When we only notice the “big” achievements, we might think the little things don’t matter. But when we celebrate their smaller wins—like baking their first batch of cookies or reading a new chapter book—they learn that effort, growth, and kindness are worth celebrating too. And that lesson? It’s worth more than any trophy.
10. Their Need for Quality Time
We sometimes assume our grandkids just want gifts or treats. But what they often crave most is simple, undistracted time with us. They notice when we’re too busy or when our attention is split between them and the phone.
Quality doesn’t have to mean quantity. Fifteen minutes of playing cards, baking together, or walking hand in hand can leave a mark that lasts for years. When they look back, they won’t remember the toy we bought—they’ll remember the way we made them feel when we gave them our time.
Closing Thoughts
Grandmas, here’s the truth: our grandkids don’t need us to be perfect, wealthy, or endlessly entertaining. They just need us to notice them, to pay attention to who they’re becoming, how they feel, and what they value. When we stop ignoring these ten areas, we build a relationship that is rooted in respect, sprinkled with joy, and filled with love that will carry them into adulthood.
Because one day, those little kids will grow up. And when they look back, may they remember Grandma not just as someone who loved them, but as someone who saw them.
