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We grandmothers have a way of thinking the little ones aren’t paying attention to everything we do, but oh, how wrong that is. Grandkids watch us with curious eyes, listen in on our conversations, and sometimes mimic us in ways we never expect. They may not always remember what we tell them, but they rarely forget what we show them.
That’s why it’s so important to guard our habits. Some of the things we might think are harmless, “grown-up only,” or just occasional slip-ups can actually plant seeds in their minds that grow into bigger problems later on. Especially when they’re young, our influence is powerful. And truthfully, we don’t want them to carry memories of us doing things we’d rather they not repeat.
Here are a few habits that we should be careful never to let our grandkids see or hear—particularly when they’re still in those tender, impressionable years.
1. Cursing and Harsh Language
A little slip of the tongue might not seem like much to us, but to a child, it can be shocking and even entertaining, enough that they’ll repeat it when you least expect it. The problem is that children don’t yet understand the weight behind those words. If we model using angry or offensive language, we’re essentially telling them that it’s acceptable.
Example: Imagine your grandchild loses a board game and, instead of saying “oh well,” he shouts out a curse word he heard from grandma. Not only will it raise eyebrows, but it also sets him up for trouble at school or at home.
Instead, we can model restraint. Simple alternatives like “oh, fiddlesticks!” or “goodness gracious!” might sound silly to us, but children latch onto them. Before we know it, those words will become part of their vocabulary too.
2. Drinking to the Point of Drunkenness
Many adults enjoy a glass of wine, a beer at a barbecue, or a toast on special occasions. But being visibly drunk in front of grandchildren is one of those things that can’t be undone. Children don’t have the maturity to understand that “grandma just had a little too much.” What they see is someone they trust acting strangely, slurring words, stumbling, or laughing uncontrollably. To them, it can be scary, confusing, or even funny in a way that gives the wrong message.
Example: Picture your little one watching grandma knock over a glass because she’s tipsy. They may laugh in the moment, but they’re quietly learning that losing control is humorous or normal behavior.
If we choose to enjoy a drink, let’s do it responsibly and moderately. Save those extra indulgent moments for times when little eyes aren’t around.
3. Gossiping and Talking Badly About Others
We may think children don’t notice when we lean over to whisper about someone’s messy house or someone’s behavior at church—but they absolutely do. When we tear others down, even in private conversations, it teaches kids that speaking negatively is just part of life.
Example: If a granddaughter overhears grandma saying, “Your aunt is so lazy,” she might start calling her classmates lazy when they don’t finish their work. Without realizing it, we’re teaching them that it’s okay to label and belittle others.
Instead, let’s keep our words kind or neutral in their presence. If someone frustrates us, we can simply say, “That’s between them and God,” or “Everyone has their struggles.” This model combines kindness and restraint.
4. Arguing Loudly or Losing Our Temper
We all know the sting of frustration. Maybe it’s with our spouse, our grown children, or just trying to get the TV remote to work. But when grandkids see us yelling, slamming doors, or throwing our hands up in anger, it plants a seed that shouting is how you solve problems.
Example: A little boy hears grandma shouting at grandpa for forgetting the groceries. Later, when he loses a soccer game, he screams at his friends. To him, that’s just how grown-ups handle disappointment.
Instead, we can teach through example. If we pause, take a deep breath, and speak calmly, even when frustrated, our grandchildren will see that it’s possible to express feelings without hurting others.
5. Being Dishonest (Even in Small Things)
Little lies can feel harmless. Telling the telemarketer, “She’s not home” when you’re right there, or sneaking a candy bar after you’ve told the kids “no more sweets,” might not seem serious. But children pick up on dishonesty quickly, and it teaches them that bending the truth is acceptable.
Example: If they see grandma fibbing, they may feel justified in lying about finishing homework or where they’ve been with friends.
Our credibility is precious. When our grandchildren know that grandma always tells the truth, they learn to value honesty in their own lives too.
6. Neglecting Healthy Habits
Our little ones are always watching how we take care of ourselves. If they see us chain-smoking, drinking soda instead of water, or avoiding any movement, they might think these habits are just part of life.
Example: If grandma reaches for potato chips every evening and never goes for a walk, her grandchildren may grow up seeing junk food as comfort and movement as unnecessary.
Instead, small changes can set powerful examples. Drinking water, going for a walk after dinner, or even saying, “I need a few minutes to stretch,” shows them what healthy self-care looks like.
7. Speaking Negatively About Ourselves
Children notice not only how we talk about others, but also how we talk about ourselves. Saying things like “I’m too fat,” “I’m so old,” or “I can’t do anything right” teaches them to measure their own worth in unhealthy ways.
Example: If a granddaughter hears grandma say, “I look awful,” she might start to question her own beauty or worth.
Instead, let’s model self-love. Even small affirmations like “I’m grateful for this body that lets me hug my grandkids” or “I’m still learning every day” show them that it’s okay to appreciate who we are.
8. Overusing Technology Around Them
This one slips by many of us. Scrolling on our phones while the grandkids are talking, or constantly checking messages, tells them that screens are more important than people. Even if they don’t say anything, they feel it.
Example: If a grandchild excitedly shows grandma a drawing, but she’s glued to her phone, the message is clear: screens come first. That hurt lingers.
Instead, we can model balance by putting our phones down and saying, “This is our time together.” They’ll learn to value people over devices.
Closing Thoughts
Being a grandmother is both a gift and a responsibility. Our grandchildren may forget the specific words we use to teach them lessons, but they will always remember how we lived. If they see us cursing, drinking too much, gossiping, lying, or losing our temper, they may carry those habits into their own lives. On the other hand, if they see us modeling patience, kindness, honesty, self-care, and love, those seeds will grow into values that bless them for years to come.
The truth is, none of us is perfect. We’ll make mistakes, and sometimes we’ll slip up. But what matters is striving each day to be the kind of example we want them to follow. When they look back, let’s make sure the picture they hold of grandma is one of steady love, wise choices, and a gentle spirit.
Because in the end, our habits shape not just our own lives—but theirs as well.
