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As grandmothers, many of us have earned the affectionate title of “the spoiler.” We bake the cookies, sneak the extra scoop of ice cream, and let our grandbabies stay up just a little past bedtime. And that’s all part of the joy. Spoiling, when done right, makes our grandkids feel cherished and deeply loved.
But here’s the thing, dear sisters in grandmotherhood: not all spoiling is sweet. Some spoiling, though done with good intentions, can lead to habits, attitudes, and problems that hurt more than they help. Our role is not just to be fun—but to be wise, nurturing, and supportive of the parents who are raising our grandkids day in and day out.
Let’s explore the right and wrong ways to spoil our grandkids—so we can be the kind of grandmothers they remember fondly, not frustratingly.
✅ The Right Ways to Spoil Your Grandkids
1. Spoil Them with Your Time, Not Just Things
One of the most meaningful things we can give is our time. Whether it’s baking cookies, playing cards, gardening, or sitting side by side during a TV show—those moments become golden memories. Ask about their day. Listen, really listen, when they talk. Put your phone away and look into their eyes.
🧶 Example: “Tell me all about your science project,” you say, as you scoop up a chair and give them your full attention. That’s love that lasts.
2. Celebrate Their Interests—Even the Strange Ones
If they’re obsessed with dinosaurs, outer space, or even slime-making videos—lean in! Bring over a book about T-Rex or sit and help mix up that gooey slime.
🧶 Example: One grandma I know bought a tiny keyboard and taught herself to play just so she could practice with her music-loving grandson. That’s the kind of spoiling that nurtures passions.
3. Offer Thoughtful Surprises, Not a Stream of Stuff
A surprise doesn’t need to come from a store. It can be a love note tucked into their backpack, a silly meme you found online, or a snack shaped like their favorite animal. The trick is to make it feel personal, not excessive.
🧶 Why it matters: Kids remember how you made them feel, not what you bought them.
4. Create a Cozy, Joyful, Safe Space
Spoil them by making your home a place where they feel completely at ease. That doesn’t mean chaos—just comfort. A cozy blanket on the couch, a special bedtime routine, and your gentle laugh can go a long way.
🧶 Example: Have a “Grandma’s Drawer” full of fun things: stickers, puzzles, old photos, or a flashlight for late-night storytelling.
5. Respect Parental Boundaries and Rules
Spoiling the right way means working with their parents, not against them. If there’s a bedtime, respect it. If sugar is limited, find a fun, healthy treat instead. Nothing creates more tension than a grandma who overrides mom or dad behind their back.
🧶 Say instead: “Let’s ask mom if it’s okay” instead of, “Just don’t tell your dad.”
6. Use Encouragement as Currency
Praise their efforts, not just their results. Celebrate kindness, persistence, and responsibility—just as much as you would an A on a test or a soccer trophy.
🧶 Why it’s sweet: You’re building character and confidence that goes deeper than achievements.
7. Let Them Be Fully Themselves with You
Spoiling can be as simple as being the one adult who gets them. Maybe they’re shy, loud, sensitive, quirky, or curious. Let them feel like they don’t have to pretend around you.
🧶 Why it matters: A child who feels safe being themselves becomes a teen who trusts you with their deeper worries.
❌ The Wrong Ways to Spoil Your Grandkids
1. Giving Them Everything They Ask For
It’s tempting to say “yes” to that new toy or the third cookie. But doing this too often sets the wrong expectation—one where “love” means getting, not giving.
🚫 Problem: Kids can start seeing people as sources of stuff, not relationships.
2. Undermining the Parents’ Authority
It might feel harmless to say, “I know mom says no candy, but it’s just one lollipop.” But that tiny gesture can create confusion and even sneakiness.
🚫 Result: It puts your grandchild in the middle and weakens trust all around.
3. Using Gifts to Earn Their Love
When we feel a little distant from a grandchild, it can be tempting to buy their affection. But gifts should never replace connection. Spoil with presence, not just presents.
🚫 Warning sign: If they only light up when you show up with a bag, it may be time to shift gears.
4. Always Rescuing Them from Consequences
Yes, we want to be their safety net—but not their permanent cushion. If your grandchild breaks something or speaks rudely, don’t gloss over it or blame others.
🚫 Lesson missed: Accountability helps them become better humans. Don’t rob them of that.
5. Turning Visits into Lawless Free-For-Alls
It’s one thing to be fun; it’s another to be chaotic. If visits to Grandma’s mean no bedtime, unlimited junk food, or nonstop screen time, you’re not doing them—or their parents-any favors.
🚫 Downside: It can make the transition back home difficult and stir tension between generations.
6. Saying “Yes” Just to Avoid Tantrums
We all dread a meltdown. But always giving in teaches them that yelling, crying, or manipulating works. Sometimes the loving thing to say is, “No, sweetheart.”
🚫 Long-term impact: They miss out on learning patience and resilience.
7. Exaggerated Praise That Feels Hollow
We’ve all said it: “You’re the smartest kid in the whole world!” But kids can sense when we’re overdoing it. Instead, be specific with your praise.
🧶 Better: “I love how you kept trying, even when it was hard.”
💞 In Closing: Be the Spoiler with Wisdom
Spoiling, when done right, doesn’t spoil them at all—it sweetens their lives and strengthens your bond.
The truth is, our grandkids don’t need more stuff—they need more of us. More listening ears. More shared laughs. More gentle guidance. They need us to model kindness, grace, and good sense—even when that means saying “no” with love.
So let’s be the grandmothers who leave footprints not in their toy bins… but in their hearts.
