Disclaimer: Devoted Grandma is reader-supported. If you purchase anything through my site, I may receive a small commission (at no cost to you). Thank you.
As a grandma, I love spending time with my grandkids. But sometimes, I catch myself using words that I shouldn’t. Words that I wouldn’t want them repeating or internalizing.
It’s important to watch what we say around our grandkids because they’re like sponges, absorbing everything they hear.
And let’s be honest, sometimes we forget that the things we say can have a harmful impact! So, let’s take a look at some harmful words to avoid when talking to your grandkids.
Note: I know that nobody is perfect! God knows I’m not. So please don’t take my list as preachy or me thinking I’m better than anyone else. Thank you!
1. “Stupid”
The word “stupid” is one of the most harmful words to use when speaking to or around your grandchildren. It can cause damage to their self-esteem and confidence. Using this word can be interpreted as an insult and can make children feel worthless, which can lead to a negative impact on their development. Instead of using “stupid,” try using “that wasn’t the best decision” or “let’s find another solution.”
Example: “I understand you’re frustrated, but that wasn’t the best decision. Let’s find another solution.”
2. “I’m too old for that”
Saying “I’m too old for that” can be detrimental to your grandchildren’s perception of aging. It sends a message that growing old means you can no longer do things you used to enjoy, and it can make them feel that aging is a negative thing. Instead, try saying, “I don’t think that’s something I’m interested in right now.”
Example: “I don’t think that’s something I’m interested in right now, but I’m glad you enjoy it.”
3. “I can’t do that”
Saying “I can’t do that” can limit your grandchildren’s perception of what they can achieve in life. It sends a message that limitations are based solely on age and not on ability. Instead of saying “I can’t do that,” try saying “Let me try” or “I’ll do my best.”
Example: “Let me try that and see if I can figure it out.”
4. “You’re too young to understand”
Using the phrase “you’re too young to understand” can be dismissive of your grandchildren’s opinions and feelings. It can make them feel like their experiences and perspectives are not valid or important. Instead, try saying “Let’s talk more about that” or “Can you tell me more about what you’re thinking?”
Example: “Can you tell me more about what you’re thinking? I’d like to understand your perspective.”
5. “You’re so lazy”
Using the word “lazy” can be hurtful and have a negative impact on your grandchildren’s self-esteem. It can make them feel like they are not doing enough, even when they are trying their best. Instead of saying “You’re so lazy,” try saying “Let’s find a way to get motivated” or “Can we work on this together?”
Example: “Let’s find a way to get motivated to finish this project together.”
6. “I don’t have time”
Saying “I don’t have time” can send a message that you don’t want to spend time with your grandchildren or that you don’t prioritize them. Instead, try saying “Let me finish this task, and then we can spend some time together” or “Can we schedule some time for us to do something together?”
Example: “Let me finish this task, and then we can spend some time together doing something we both enjoy.”
7. “You’re not good enough”
Using the phrase “you’re not good enough” can be damaging to your grandchildren’s self-esteem and self-worth. It can make them feel like they are not capable of achieving their goals or that their efforts are not appreciated. Instead of saying “you’re not good enough,” try saying “I believe in you” or “Let’s work on this together to see how we can improve.”
Example: “I believe in you, and I know that you can achieve your goals with some hard work and dedication.”
8. “That’s not how it’s done”
Saying “that’s not how it’s done” can discourage your grandchildren from exploring
new experiences and finding their own way of doing things. It can limit their creativity and innovation. Instead of saying “that’s not how it’s done,” try saying “That’s an interesting approach. Have you considered doing it this way as well?” or “Let’s try it both ways and see which one works best.”
Example: “That’s an interesting approach. Have you considered doing it this way as well? Let’s try it both ways and see which one works best for you.”
9. “I told you so”
Using the phrase “I told you so” can make your grandchildren feel ashamed or embarrassed for making a mistake. It can also discourage them from trying new things or taking risks in the future. Instead of saying “I told you so,” try saying “It’s okay to make mistakes. Let’s learn from this and try again” or “That didn’t go as planned, but we can try a different approach next time.”
Example: “It’s okay to make mistakes. Let’s learn from this and try again next time.”
10. “You’re always…”
Using the phrase “you’re always…” can be hurtful and make your grandchildren feel like they are being unfairly judged or criticized. It can also make them feel like they are not being seen as individuals with their own unique personalities and behaviors. Instead of saying “you’re always…” try saying “I noticed that you…” or “I appreciate it when you…”
Example: “I noticed that you’ve been spending a lot of time on your hobbies lately. Can you tell me more about what you enjoy doing?”
11. “I don’t care”
Saying “I don’t care” can be dismissive of your grandchildren’s feelings or opinions. It can make them feel like their thoughts and emotions are not valued or respected. Instead of saying “I don’t care,” try saying “That’s an interesting point. Let’s talk more about it” or “I hear what you’re saying, and I want to understand more.”
Example: “That’s an interesting point. Let’s talk more about it and see how we can work together to find a solution.”
12. “You’re always making a mess”
Using the phrase “you’re always making a mess” can make your grandchildren feel like they are not allowed to have fun or explore their creativity. It can also make them feel like they are constantly being criticized or judged. Instead of saying “you’re always making a mess,” try saying “Let’s work together to clean up this mess” or “It’s okay to make a mess when you’re having fun, but let’s make sure we clean up afterwards.”
Example: “It’s okay to make a mess when you’re having fun, but let’s make sure we clean up afterwards together.”
13. “You’re too sensitive”
Using the phrase “you’re too sensitive” can invalidate your grandchildren’s feelings and emotions. It can make them feel like their emotions are not important or valued. Instead of saying “you’re too sensitive,” try saying “I understand that this is difficult for you. Let’s talk more about it” or “It’s okay to feel the way you do. Let’s work on some coping strategies together.”
Example: “I understand that this is difficult for you. Let’s talk more about it and find some ways to make it easier for you.”
14. “I’m too busy for you”
Saying “I’m too busy for you” can make your grandchildren feel unimportant or neglected. It can also make them feel like they are not a priority in your life. Instead of saying “I’m too busy for you,” try saying “I have a lot on my plate right now, but let’s schedule some time to spend together soon” or “I’m working on something right now, but I’m happy to take a break and spend some time with you.”
Example: “I have a lot on my plate right now, but let’s schedule some time to spend together soon and do something fun.”
15. “You’re not allowed to do that”
Using the phrase “you’re not allowed to do that” can make your grandchildren feel like they are not trusted or respected. It can also limit their curiosity and desire to explore the world around them. Instead of saying “you’re not allowed to do that,” try saying “Let’s talk about why that’s not safe” or “Can we find a safer way for you to do that?”
Example: “Let’s talk about why that’s not safe and see if there’s a way for you to do that more safely.”
16. “Why can’t you be more like your sibling/cousin/friend?”
Comparing your grandchildren to others can be hurtful and damaging to their self-esteem. It can also cause resentment and competition between siblings, cousins, or friends. Instead of comparing your grandchildren, try focusing on their unique strengths and abilities.
Example: “I’m so proud of you for being such a hard worker. You always put in your best effort, and that’s something to be proud of.”
17. “You’re not good at that”
Using the phrase “you’re not good at that” can discourage your grandchildren from
pursuing their interests and hobbies. It can also limit their self-confidence and make them feel like they are not good enough. Instead of saying “you’re not good at that,” try saying “Let’s practice more to improve your skills” or “I’m impressed by how much you’ve learned already.”
Example: “Let’s practice more to improve your skills and see how much progress we can make together.”
18. “That’s a stupid idea”
Using the word “stupid” to describe an idea can be hurtful and damaging to your grandchildren’s self-esteem. It can also discourage them from sharing their thoughts and ideas in the future. Instead of saying “that’s a stupid idea,” try saying “That’s an interesting thought. Let’s explore it more” or “I’m not sure that will work, but I’m open to hearing more about your ideas.”
Example: “That’s an interesting thought. Let’s explore it more and see if we can come up with a plan.”
19. “I don’t have the patience for this”
Saying “I don’t have the patience for this” can make your grandchildren feel like they are a burden or inconvenience to you. It can also make them feel like they are not valued or loved. Instead of saying “I don’t have the patience for this,” try saying “Let’s take a break and come back to it later” or “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed right now. Can we work on this together?”
Example: “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed right now. Can we work on this together to make it more manageable?”
20. “I’m too old to learn new things”
Using the phrase “I’m too old to learn new things” can be damaging to your grandchildren’s perception of aging. It can make them feel like growing old means you can no longer learn or grow as a person. Instead, try saying “I’m always learning new things” or “I’m excited to learn something new today.”
Example: “I’m excited to learn something new today. What do you think we should explore together?”
In conclusion, as grandparents, we have a responsibility to watch our language around our grandkids. The words we use can have a significant impact on their mental and emotional well-being, self-esteem, and overall development. It’s important to model positive communication skills, kindness, empathy, and respect for all people.
Let’s create a safe and supportive environment for our grandkids to thrive and grow.
