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Everyone needs someone they can trust and confide in should they need to talk, whether a parent, sibling, or friend. While their problems may not seem as big as ours often do, our grandkids also need a special confidant who they can come to when times are tough. Why not you? No matter their age, you, grandma, can become your grandchild’s most trusted confidante, especially if you follow these 10 tried and true tips:
One of the most essential parts of being a confidante is keeping what your grandchild says confidential. It takes time to build trust, and should it ever be broken, it is hard to regain it. Assure your grandchild that your secret is safe with them.
2. …Unless, of course, you need to involve a professional
Okay, there is a bit of a caveat that goes with that first point, especially if, God forbid, your grandchild discusses wanting to harm themself or others. If this is the case, you must take additional steps, like talking to their parents or caregiver, a therapist, or other trained professional.
3. Be patient and don’t pry
Trust is not built overnight, so give your grandchild the time and space they need to feel more comfortable sharing with you. While it is our natural instinct to want to help our grandbabies – especially when we sense something is wrong, it is also important not to pry for more information. Be patient – more information and better communication will come with time.
4. Ask open-ended questions
Even if your grandchild has yet to open up, you can begin asking open questions to understand what is happening in their world. For example, when they come home from school, you can ask them what was the best part of their day and why or if anything seems to be troubling them. (These types of open-ended questions can be applied to nearly any activity or scenario!)Â
5. Be an active listener
If there is one thing I cannot stand, it is adults who only half-listen to what kids are saying and begin talking over them. Kids may be young, but they still have plenty to say and notice when they are being ignored! Practice being an active listener with your grandkids. Trust me – they will notice, and it will build your trust and your bond.Â
6. Only offer advice when they ask
I know this can be so hard – especially when you want to solve all their problems quickly. However, it is essential to remember that your grands may need a listening ear rather than a solution. Wait for them to ask for your opinion or advice, as it shows you respect their ability to handle their own issues and are there to support, not control.
While it’s tempting to relate everything back to our own experiences (believe me, I am guilty of this!), try to keep the focus on them. You can share stories from your past, but only if they’re relevant and helpful and not just to reminisce.
8. Encourage, don’t criticize
You don’t need me to tell you that our grands are growing up in a world that is VASTLY different than the one we knew. Life can be hard enough, so be their cheerleader and not their critic. How? Encourage their dreams, interests, and efforts, no matter how different they may seem from our own ideals or expectations.
9. No judging!
Let your grandkids know that they can talk to you about anything without fear of judgment, as an open, non-judgmental space is crucial for them to feel safe and understood. It’s okay to have opinions, but when it comes to being their confidante, remember that acceptance is critical!
10. Stay updated on their world
Last but certainly not least is to check in with your grandbabies and try to understand their interests, whether it’s their favorite TV show, book, or social media trend. When you do this, you will find common ground for discussion, AND it shows that you care about their world. (Are you the best confidante ever? Yes – yes, you are.)
Conclusion
Who knew that becoming your grandchild’s most trusted confidante could be so easy? In fact, if I were a betting woman, I would guess that you already do most of these things. 🙂 Keep on keeping on, my friends – oh, and let’s talk again soon!
