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One of the best things about running this site is meeting and hearing from so many of my fellow grandmas! My favorite way to converse is, of course, via email, which is where we can chat more and bounce ideas off each other. Another reason I love emailing is because it is a more private space to ask questions and receive advice.
During these correspondences with grandmas, I have found one question to be asked the most: What do I do if I feel unappreciated by my adult children or grandkids? To answer this, I reached out to you, my fellow Devoted Grandmas, and your advice was excellent.
If you are feeling unappreciated, know that you are not alone, as shared by these 9 tips from your fellow grandmas:
As the grand kids grow older they don’t need or think about us as much. I like to get out old pictures of when they were younger and dwell on the good memories. But, still let them know you’re thinking about them by texting them once in a while, and telling them you’re thinking and praying for them. Even if they don’t answer back, they will appreciate it. Take them out for lunch or ice cream once in a while, stay connected. -Paula
My thoughts of unappreciated and the being alone that comes with it even the heartbreak , I turn to God for wisdom in how to reach my granddaughters, I have 5 beautiful granddaughters and I pray for them and God spoke to my heart to text them love just love them while I go through this. Now they only called Nana if they needed something and I just went to them and I did what they needed. I let them know Nana is there for them. As I texted and no response at first but eventually they would text back or just an emoji , it’s been 5 years they are 25,23,18,12,13 , a few years ago I did videos with a short scripture and dressed the part and explained what it meant for us. Now I send a big love and hugs that I am thinking of them and “The Bad Joke of the Day.” I did cry many a times and I still do at times when I think that they are growing and like my life is busy so is theirs. But I know everyday they hear from me and sometimes I get to be with them and I am sure that Nana will always be special in their hearts. All I can say what you are going through today does not have to travel into tomarrow. I live in Isaiah 26:3 He will keep me in perfect peace when my mind stays on Him and I trust Him. I trust God will work all the bad to good for me, I don’t let yesterdays troubles into my today. -Catherine
Continue being a part of their life by calling, texting, sending a Marco Polo, or FaceTime. Also send a small or large package according to the time of the season… fun school supplies, celebrate whatever is being celebrated that day,( ex. Ice cream day )money for an ice cream treat), gum for chewing gum day, if you have siblings send a picture of you and your siblings when all of y’all were kids, etc. make picture albums of things y’all have done together. Do anything that will keep you in their thoughts. They may or may not respond but you have received joy by doing something to remind them of you and your love for them. -Dena
This is coming from a grandma who lives in another state from her grandchildren. With that in mind here goes: first try and remember what it was like when you were a new mother. Let that sink in a minute: anxious about EVERYTHING, sleep deprived, dealing with the post-pardon emotions, AND body recovery after being stretched beyond recognition! Oh, and let's not forget hubby's feelings of abandonment. OK, now add grandmother's unrealistic demands to see their new grandbaby and HELP! Feelings of unimportance are SELFISH. QUIT. Send her diapers, a handwritten note about what you felt after having your child include an old photo. Don't forget to mail it! Give your new mother time and space, she will reach out just wait and see. I'm preaching to myself here. My 3rd grandson was born on May 30th and I haven't been asked to visit yet. Hope this helps you cope fellow grandmother. Regarding feelings of being taken advantage of. Could this be your own fault? Setting realistic boundaries right from the start should help. Also, remember how quickly your own child went from being a tiny baby to having babies of their own!! This is a special time that many of us fellow grandmothers don't get to experience. Take one day at a time and try to find joy in each moment. Hope this helps. Hang in there these days won't last forever. -Donna
I have felt that same way at times,... and it does hurt, but what I do is try and look at why this is happening,... maybe their day was hard and they don't realize that they are doing this,... But my big lift is being with my grandson,... That is my Blessing,... -Rebecca
I can only speak from my own experience. When my granddaughter turned 11 or 12, she seemed to withdraw from me. She hardly looked at me when I went to their house. This felt strange, as we had been thick as thieves ever since she was a baby. I started thinking about it and concluded maybe she didn’t want to be Grandma’s little baby anymore, and thought she was too big for cuddles and bedtime stories. She still loved me, of course, but didn’t know how to show it without going back to the grandma-baby relation we used to have. So I made up my mind, as an adult, that I had to be the one who reached out. I thought about things she liked and offered her a day we’d both enjoy. In our case, that was a bike ride to the beach, a picnic, painting cool rocks, then making ephemereal art on the shore and riding back home. She happily accepted, and we’ve been having regular activities together ever since. Of course, we’re all different, so what worked for us might not work for you. Maybe your grandchild would prefer a movie, or dancing together, or a trip to the zoo, or one of you teaching the other something that interests them. Or whatever rocks their boat. Just remember, you’re the grown-up, and you want to be a part of your grandchild’s life. Right now, they may feel they don’t need you, or maybe they don’t feel they have much in common with you, but if you take the first step and try to see it from their perspective, maybe you can all benefit from it. -Pierette
If you feel your grandchildren take you for granted & may not appreciate you, which I have personally experienced, I step back some, give some space between us, they eventually realize they miss all the thoughtful things done for them, & change their attitude, hopefully. Until they need to be reminded again. -Anne
More than any other time, grandparents are helping to raise their grandkids. Many times grands will mirror what ever respect their parents show to Grandma. Also, investing one on one time with littles can be much more beneficial than showering grands with gifts. Most kids have too many things anyway. Instead, make a craft, read books, go to a park or bake together. -Joi
Yes it hurts to be a Forgotten Grandma and Great Grandma. But the one thing that we can do is no matter what we feel .Never forget their birthdays to do this get a box wrap it in birthdays designs and each year put a birthday card in each box with that grandchild 's name on it and a letter from you with a picture of you and the date on that picture taken on there birthday . AND JUST KNOW THAT ONE DAY EACH ONE WILL GET TO KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVED EACH ONE OF THEM . But you will always know and to us that what matters. -Annette
If you feel forgotten or unappreciated, I hope these tips give you solace. You are not alone! Hang in there, my fellow Devoted Grandma. You’re doing a wonderful job, and your family is blessed to have you!
