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When I first got married, I told myself that if there was one thing I would never let fail, it was my marriage. (I still stand by this and am happy to report we are still going strong!) Then, when I became a mom, I told myself that if there was one thing I would never let fail, it was my children. (While I always did my best, I am here to share that I have yet to be perfect by any standard.)
Now that I have raised my kids and been promoted to grandma, I know that I will mess up, but darn it, I will try my hardest not to fail at this oh-so-important job. While to err is human, I wanted to share a few slip-ups that I have either done or have been shared with me to help you in your relationship with your grandkids via this list of the 14 things no grandma should ever say or do:
1. Overstep parental boundaries
Yes, our grandkids are the most adorable and amazing humans ever to walk the earth, but if mom and dad said they can’t stay up past their bedtime and not to let them watch a particular movie, it is essential to abide by their wishes. (Do you remember how irritated you felt when your mother-in-law let your kids ruin their appetites – and stomachs, in general – with too many cookies? Me, too. Don’t be your mother-in-law!)
2. Give unsolicited advice
Speaking of our mother-in-law (God bless her)… Wasn’t unsolicited advice from her nails on a chalkboard? You were doing your best and didn’t need the nitpicking, nor do your kids and their spouses. Yes, we have heaps of wisdom, but it is usually best to keep our two cents to ourselves unless asked for our take on a scenario.
3. Be glued to your phone
Social media is designed to keep you scrolling (and scrolling and scrolling), but let’s promise each other that we won’t let this distraction get in the way of our time with our grandbabies. While taking pictures and capturing memories is a must, make it a point to upload and share them later. And remember, nothing beats eye contact and a good old-fashioned chat!
4. Ignore their privacy
Oh, the teenage years – a time of closed doors and personal diaries. While you want to keep your grandkids in their own safe bubble, giving them space and privacy to learn and grow is essential. By not infringing on their privacy, you not only give them a chance to grow, but they will feel more trusted and independent (and it keeps us out of the eye-rolling zone!).
5. Ignore current trends and interests
Sure, we may not fully understand every trend or interest our grandkids have (I mean, what exactly is a Minecraft?), but let’s still show enthusiasm and curiosity. As a girl, I LOVED The Beatles and remember feeling so silly about it because of the snide comments my parents and grandparents would make. I never want to make my grands feel this way, so I like to “fake it until I make it” with my grandkids and their interests.
6. Forget important dates
Remembering everyone’s birthday (and anniversary) is exhausting, but doing so is very important to our grandkids and our relationship with them! Whether you send a crisp $5 bill for their birthday or a congratulatory card when they graduate kindergarten, they will never forget that you remembered and will feel extra special on their big day!
7. Underestimate their intelligence
Our grandkids are navigating a world vastly different from the one we grew up in, and they seem to be more intelligent and more aware than I was at their age. (Please tell me that I am not alone in this!) That said, it is vital that we do not talk down to or embarrass them. Obviously, some topics are not age-appropriate, but you also do not need to “dumb down” things when you talk to them! (Believe me – they get it.)
8. Compare siblings and/or cousins
I know I don’t have to tell you, a fellow Devoted Grandma, this, but it bears repeating: Each child is special and unique in his or her own way and should never be compared to anyone else.
9. Dismiss new parenting styles
Yes, “theybies” are questionable (to put it nicely), but we grandmas have to respect our children’s wishes and the way they raise our grandbabies. Now that I think about it, maybe attachment parenting – ample physical contact and closeness with your infant – isn’t too bad of a concept…
10. Spoil them
Okay, a little spoiling is okay! However, boundaries are essential, so try to spoil them with love, time, and attention (and maybe the occasional extra cookie) versus material objects that will do nothing to help them in the long run.
11. Overfeed them sweets
We just talked about sneaking in an extra cookie when spoiling the grands, but don’t go too overboard with the sweets. Instead, teach your grands to balance with the occasional sweet treat plus snacks that are healthy AND taste good!
12. Take sides in arguments
In the drama of family squabbles, it’s tempting to take sides, especially when it comes to our perfect and beloved grandkids. Don’t do this! Instead, stay neutral and offer wisdom to help them learn conflict resolution, which is far more beneficial in the long run.
13. Neglect self-care
It’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of loving and caring for our families, but remember, taking care of ourselves is crucial. A happy, healthy grandma can share so much more joy, so make a point to indulge in daily self-care, whether it’s a quiet afternoon with a book or a relaxing walk in the park.
14. Forget to show your love
Life is busy, but don’t let the hustle and bustle of the day deter you from showing your love to your grandkids. They are your world and want to hear it, whether in person with a huge hug, over the phone, or via a surprise card in the mail. (This, my friends, maybe the most important thing we can do for our grandbabies in 2024.)
Conclusion
What do you think? If I know you, I know you already do (or don’t do) these 14 things, but I figured we could all use the reminder as the new year begins. Happy New Year, all, from your friend Devoted Grandma.
