The holidays are almost here, and if you’re anything like me, you’ve probably already started imagining all the wonderful moments you’d love to share with your grandchildren. The Christmas cookies, the family dinners, the laughter around the table, and maybe even a few extra hugs from those grandkids who are getting too big to sit on our laps!
But as our families grow, something interesting happens. Our adult children have their own traditions, our grandkids have school activities and friends, and suddenly, getting everyone together isn’t quite as simple as it used to be.
And sometimes, as grandmothers, we find ourselves waiting for an invitation that never quite comes.
The good news is that we don’t always have to wait for someone else to make the plans. There are gentle, thoughtful ways we can create opportunities to spend time with our grandchildren without making our adult children feel pressured or adding another obligation to an already busy holiday season.
Here are nine ways we can make those precious holiday visits happen a little more naturally.
1. Offer to Help With Something Your Adult Children Are Already Planning
One of the easiest ways to spend time with our grandchildren is to become a helpful part of plans that are already happening.
Instead of asking our adult children when they’re bringing the kids over, we might ask whether there’s anything we can do to make their holiday preparations easier.
Perhaps they need someone to watch the children while they shop for Christmas presents. Maybe they could use an extra pair of hands decorating the house, preparing a holiday meal, or wrapping gifts.
Even offering to take the grandkids for a few hours while their parents attend an event could create a lovely opportunity.
What Grandma can say: “I know this time of year gets busy for you. If you need someone to keep the kids entertained while you get things done, I’d absolutely love to help!”
Of course, our offer should come from a genuine desire to help, not as a way of making anyone feel obligated.
Sometimes, being useful is the most natural way to become more involved in our family’s holiday activities.
2. Start a Small Holiday Tradition That Doesn’t Require a Big Commitment
We grandmothers sometimes dream of elaborate Christmas traditions involving matching pajamas, homemade decorations, and an entire afternoon of baking.
And while those ideas sound wonderful, they can also be difficult for busy families to fit into their schedules.
Instead, consider creating a tiny tradition your grandchildren can look forward to every year.
It might be a Saturday morning Christmas pancake breakfast, an evening spent looking at holiday lights, or a quick visit to decorate one special ornament together.
The beauty of a small tradition is that it doesn’t require anyone to rearrange their entire holiday schedule.
Over time, that simple activity might become something your grandchildren begin requesting themselves.
Imagine hearing, “Mom, when are we going to Grandma’s for our Christmas pancakes?”
Now that’s a tradition worth starting!
3. Invite Yourself to Their Activities Without Expecting Special Treatment
Sometimes, our grandchildren already have wonderful holiday activities planned, and we simply haven’t thought about asking whether we can attend.
School Christmas concerts, holiday sports tournaments, church performances, and community events can all provide opportunities to see our grandkids without requiring their parents to organize something new.
Rather than assuming we’re invited, we can gently express our interest.
What Grandma can say: “I’d love to see your Christmas performance if grandparents are welcome. Would it be alright if I came?”
The important thing is remembering that we’re there to support our grandchildren, not to become the center of attention.
We don’t need front-row seats, special arrangements, or an entire afternoon together afterward.
Sometimes, just seeing Grandma smiling proudly in the audience can mean more to a grandchild than we realize.
And even a five-minute hug after a performance can become a treasured holiday memory.
4. Create a Holiday Activity That Makes Life Easier for Everyone
Here’s something worth remembering: Our adult children may genuinely want us around but feel overwhelmed by everything they have to organize.
So instead of suggesting another complicated family gathering, why not offer something that takes work off their plates?
For example, we could invite the grandchildren over for an afternoon of cookie decorating while their parents finish Christmas shopping.
Or perhaps we could organize a simple holiday movie afternoon, complete with popcorn and blankets, while Mom and Dad enjoy a little time to themselves.
The key is making the invitation convenient.
What Grandma can say: “I was thinking of having a little Christmas movie afternoon with the kids. If it would help you get some shopping done, I’d be happy to have them over!”
When our invitations make life easier rather than busier, they’re often much easier for families to accept.
And honestly, a couple of hours watching Christmas movies with our grandkids sounds pretty wonderful to me!
5. Ask About Their Holiday Plans Early Instead of Waiting Until the Last Minute
One mistake we grandmothers can make is waiting until the holidays are practically upon us before asking when we’ll see everyone.
By then, our adult children may already have several gatherings, work commitments, trips, and school activities on the calendar.
And what feels like being left out may simply be a matter of everyone having made their arrangements weeks earlier.
That’s why it’s helpful to start the conversation early.
We don’t need to ask for Christmas Day itself or insist that everyone celebrate at our house.
Instead, we can ask which dates might work best for a short visit.
What Grandma can say: “I know you’ve probably got lots going on this Christmas. I’d love to spend a little time with the grandkids whenever it’s convenient. Are there any days that might work?”
This gives our adult children the freedom to suggest a time without feeling cornered.
And remember, December 25th isn’t the only day when beautiful Christmas memories can happen.
Sometimes, celebrating a week early or a few days afterward can be just as special.
6. Bring a Little Holiday Cheer to Their Home Instead
As grandmothers, we often imagine our grandchildren visiting us.
After all, we have the familiar kitchen, the special treats, and perhaps a Christmas tree filled with ornaments they’ve loved since they were little.
But sometimes, the easiest way to spend time together is to go where our grandchildren already are.
Rather than asking an entire family to pack up and travel, we might offer to stop by for a short visit.
We could bring freshly baked cookies, a favorite holiday snack, or a little craft the children can enjoy.
Of course, it’s important to ask first rather than arriving unexpectedly.
What Grandma can say: “I was thinking of dropping off some Christmas cookies this weekend. Would Saturday afternoon be a good time for a little visit?”
We should also be comfortable with a visit lasting only thirty minutes.
A short, cheerful visit that ends before anyone becomes overwhelmed can leave everyone looking forward to the next one.
Sometimes, being flexible about where we meet makes all the difference.
7. Ask Your Grandkids What Holiday Activities They Would Actually Enjoy
Here’s a little secret I’ve learned about grandchildren: What sounds like a magical holiday activity to Grandma doesn’t always sound quite as exciting to them!
We might imagine an afternoon of Christmas crafts, while our teenage grandchild would much rather go out for hot chocolate or browse a bookstore.
A younger grandchild might love decorating gingerbread houses, while an older one might enjoy helping us choose gifts or prepare a favorite holiday recipe.
Instead of planning everything ourselves, we can involve our grandchildren in choosing an activity.
What Grandma can say: “I’d love to do something fun together over Christmas break. Is there anything you’ve been wanting to do?”
If they’re unsure, we can offer two or three simple options.
When children help choose an activity, they often become much more enthusiastic about participating.
And there’s another benefit: We learn more about the people our grandchildren are becoming.
Their interests may be changing, but that doesn’t mean our opportunities to connect have to disappear.
8. Suggest a Short One-on-One Outing Instead of Trying to Gather Everyone
Getting all the grandchildren together during the holidays can sometimes feel like organizing a family reunion!
One has sports practice, another has plans with friends, and the youngest needs to be home before bedtime.
Rather than trying to coordinate everyone’s schedules, consider spending time with grandchildren individually when practical.
Perhaps one grandchild could accompany you to buy a Christmas gift. Another might enjoy lunch together, while a younger one could help you pick out decorations.
These outings don’t need to be expensive or elaborate.
A simple walk, a visit to the library, or a trip to the grocery store to choose baking ingredients can provide wonderful opportunities for conversation.
One-on-one time can be especially meaningful for older grandchildren who may feel less comfortable opening up in a large family gathering.
And we shouldn’t forget that some grandchildren appreciate being invited even when they can’t make it.
The invitation itself reminds them that Grandma wants to spend time with them.
Just be sure to coordinate with their parents when necessary and respect the children’s existing plans.
9. Make It Easy for Your Family to Say Yes, No, or Suggest Another Time
This final point may be one of the most important.
Sometimes, without realizing it, we make our holiday invitations feel heavier than we intend.
We might say things like, “I suppose I’ll hardly see you this Christmas,” or “You never have time for Grandma anymore.”
I understand where those feelings come from. When we miss our grandchildren, it’s easy for disappointment to slip into our words.
But statements like these can make our adult children feel guilty, and our grandchildren feel responsible for our happiness.
Instead, let’s make our invitations warm, specific, and flexible.
What Grandma can say: “I’d really enjoy seeing you all over the holidays. I know things are busy, so even a short visit would be lovely. And if this weekend doesn’t work, we’ll find another time!”
Then comes the important part: We have to genuinely mean it.
If our family can’t make one particular gathering, we can accept that answer graciously without withdrawing our affection or making them feel they’ve disappointed us.
In fact, the more comfortable our families feel saying no occasionally, the easier it often becomes for them to say yes when an opportunity arises.
We want time with Grandma to feel like something everyone looks forward to, not another holiday responsibility.
A Little Reminder From One Grandma to Another
As we get older, it’s natural to want to hold on tightly to our family’s holiday traditions.
We remember when our children were little, when Christmas morning happened under our roof, and when we knew exactly where everyone would be gathering.
Now, our adult children are creating traditions of their own, and our grandchildren are growing into busy little people with lives that extend beyond Grandma’s living room.
That change can sometimes feel bittersweet.
But here’s what I hope we’ll remember this holiday season: We don’t have to be included in every celebration to remain an important part of our grandchildren’s lives.
Sometimes, a twenty-minute visit is enough to share a laugh. Sometimes, a simple invitation opens the door to a lovely afternoon. And sometimes, making ourselves available without expecting anything in return creates more opportunities than we ever imagined.
We can take the initiative, offer thoughtful ideas, and express how much we’d love to see our grandchildren while still respecting our adult children’s time, boundaries, and traditions.
And if our calendars don’t fill up quite the way we’d hoped, that doesn’t mean we’re any less loved.
So this holiday season, rather than waiting quietly and hoping someone remembers to invite us, let’s gently create a few opportunities of our own.
After all, the most beautiful holiday memories don’t always happen around a perfectly decorated Christmas table.
Sometimes, they happen over a shared cookie, a spontaneous hug, or a little voice saying, “Grandma, can we do this again next year?” ❤️