As a grandmother, your bond with your grandchild provides a unique opportunity to observe their behavior and offer guidance. Sometimes, subtle shifts in behavior can signal that they’re spending time with the wrong crowd. Here are nine signs, backed by psychology, that your grandchild may be surrounded by bad company, and what you can do to help.
1. Sudden Changes in Behavior
What’s Going On: If your grandchild starts acting differently, it could be because of their friends. Kids often change their behavior to fit in with the crowd, even if it means doing things they wouldn’t normally do.
How You Can Help: Have a calm, kind chat with them. Try repeating back what they tell you to show you’re really listening. You might say something like, “I hear you’re feeling upset. Want to talk about it?” This helps them feel safe to open up without being judged.
2. Dropping Grades or Losing Interest in School
What’s Going On: If schoolwork starts slipping, their new friends might not be the best influence. Research shows that when kids prioritize friends over school, their grades can drop, especially if their friends don’t care much about education.
How You Can Help: Create a fun routine together, like studying at your place with some snacks. Offer praise when they put in effort. A little positive reinforcement can help them get back on track and remind them that learning is important.
3. Acting Secretive
What’s Going On: When kids start hiding things from you, it’s often because they’re worried about getting into trouble or disappointing you. Sometimes, they just don’t know how to handle what’s going on in their social circle.
How You Can Help: Let them know you understand how tough things can be. You could say, “It seems like a lot is on your mind. Want to talk it out?” Being non-judgmental helps them feel comfortable sharing what’s really happening.
4. Talking Badly About Old Friends
What’s Going On: If they’re suddenly talking poorly about their longtime friends, it could be because they’re trying to fit in with a new group that might not be the best for them. Peer pressure can change how they see themselves and their relationships.
How You Can Help: Gently ask them to reflect on what they liked about their old friends. You might say, “What did you enjoy most about spending time with them?” This helps them think through their choices without feeling like you’re criticizing them.
5. Picking Up New, Unusual Interests
What’s Going On: Kids are naturally curious, but if they suddenly take up risky or odd habits, it might be because of their friends. They might be trying to impress or keep up with their new group.
How You Can Help: Instead of telling them what they should or shouldn’t do, ask questions that encourage them to think about their choices. “How do you feel about this new hobby? What do you think could come from it?” This approach helps them think things through for themselves.
6. Moodiness or Aggression
What’s Going On: If your grandchild is more irritable or angry than usual, it could be stress from their friends. Negative peer pressure can lead to emotional outbursts, especially when they’re feeling conflicted or overwhelmed.
How You Can Help: Acknowledge their feelings first. “I see you’re really upset right now. Want to talk about it?” Validating their emotions can help calm them down and give you a chance to get to the root of the problem.
7. Avoiding Family Time
What’s Going On: When kids start pulling away from family, it’s often because they’re spending too much time with friends who aren’t a great influence. They might feel torn between what their friends are doing and family values.
How You Can Help: Try making family time more appealing. Let them pick a fun activity or movie for everyone to enjoy together. Giving them a say can make family time feel less like a chore and more like something they’ll want to do.
8. Trouble with Authority
What’s Going On: If they’re having more issues with teachers, parents, or even you, their friends might be encouraging them to rebel. Adolescents are still figuring out impulse control, and their new crowd could be influencing them to push against the rules.
How You Can Help: Share a story from your own youth about a time when you had to deal with authority and how it worked out in your favor. Kids often relate better when they realize you’ve been in their shoes before.
9. Always Asking for Money
What’s Going On: If they’re suddenly asking for extra money or have things you didn’t buy them, it could be because they’re trying to keep up with their friends. Sometimes it’s harmless, but it could also be a sign of unhealthy habits.
How You Can Help: Teach them how to manage money. Sit down together and create a simple budget. Learning to save up for things can help them feel more in control and less pressured to spend on things that don’t really matter.
Grandma’s Final Thoughts
Be There, But Don’t Overwhelm Them: Just knowing you’re there for them—without hovering—can make a big difference. Offer love, guidance, and a listening ear.
Create a Safe Space: Let them know they can always come to you, no matter what. Your home should feel like a safe haven where they can be themselves.
Encourage Good Friendships: Help them find positive, like-minded friends by encouraging activities they enjoy. When they’re surrounded by good influences, they’re more likely to make better choices.
Lead By Example: Kids learn by watching, so show them the values you hope they’ll adopt. Kindness, honesty, and responsibility go a long way.