When your grandchild walks through the door after school, or calls you later that afternoon, it’s only natural to want to know how things are going.
So we ask the questions that seem important.
“How are your grades?”
“Did you get your test back?”
“How did you do on that math assignment?”
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with caring about grades. School matters, and sometimes our grandkids really do need a little encouragement to stay on track.
But I’ve realized something.
Grades tell us how schoolwork is going. They don’t always tell us how our grandchild is doing.
A child can bring home an A and still have had a miserable day.
They might have felt lonely at lunch.
They might have finally made a new friend.
They might have been embarrassed in front of the class.
They might have stood up for someone who was being picked on.
Or maybe they laughed so hard at something silly during recess that their stomach hurt.
None of those things will appear on a report card.
And sometimes, if we want our grandkids to really talk to us, we need questions that give them somewhere interesting to go.
So instead of always starting with grades, try one of these.
1. “What made you laugh today?”
This is such an easy question, but it can lead to wonderful little stories.
Maybe someone said something silly. Maybe their teacher made a joke. Maybe something ridiculous happened at lunch.
The nice thing about asking about laughter is that it starts the conversation on a light note.
And if nothing made them laugh?
Well, that tells Grandma something too.
2. “Who did you spend the most time with today?”
I like this one because it quietly gives us a peek into their social world without sounding like an interrogation.
You may start learning the names of their friends, who they enjoy being around, and even who they seem to be avoiding.
Just listen.
You don’t have to investigate every name they mention or ask 17 follow-up questions about little Noah from science class. 😄
Sometimes simply remembering those names is enough to show your grandchild that you care.
3. “What was the best part of your day?”
Simple questions are often the best ones.
And don’t be surprised if the answer has absolutely nothing to do with academics.
“Lunch.”
“Seeing my friend.”
“Gym class.”
“The bus ride home.”
“Coming home!”
Those little answers help us understand what currently brings our grandkids joy.
And once you know, you have something to ask about tomorrow.
4. “Did anything weird happen today?”
Oh, this one can get them talking!
Children and teenagers may not have much to say when we ask, “How was school?”
But ask whether anything weird happened and suddenly you might get an entire story.
Apparently, “weird” is much more interesting than “good.” 😄
Don’t worry about making every conversation meaningful or educational. Sometimes a silly story about what happened in the cafeteria is exactly how connection begins.
5. “What was the hardest part of today?”
Notice that this isn’t:
“What went wrong?”
It simply gives your grandchild permission to tell you that something was difficult.
Maybe it was an assignment.
Maybe they couldn’t understand something.
Maybe someone hurt their feelings.
Maybe they felt left out.
And if they do open up, remember that you don’t necessarily have to fix it immediately.
Sometimes the best response is simply:
“That sounds like it was really hard.”
6. “Did anyone do something kind for you today?”
This helps children notice the good people around them.
Maybe a friend saved them a seat. Someone shared a pencil. A teacher encouraged them. Another child invited them to join a game.
Then, if the conversation feels right, you might ask:
“Did you get a chance to do something kind for someone too?”
Now you’ve started a conversation about kindness and character without giving a lecture about either.
7. “What did you learn today that actually surprised you?”
This still gets them talking about school but without asking about performance.
You’re showing interest in what they’re discovering rather than how well they’re scoring.
You might hear a fascinating science fact, something strange from history, or a completely random piece of information you never knew.
And every once in a while, Grandma might learn something too!
8. “Was there a moment today when you felt proud of yourself?”
I especially love this one.
Maybe they answered a difficult question.
Maybe they stood up for a friend.
Maybe they tried something they normally avoid.
Maybe they sat with someone who was alone.
Or perhaps they simply made it through a difficult day without giving up.
Not every accomplishment receives a grade.
We want our grandchildren to recognize those victories too.
9. “If you could redo one part of today, what would it be?”
This can open surprisingly meaningful conversations.
Maybe they regret saying something.
Maybe they wish they had raised their hand.
Maybe they would have handled an argument differently.
Maybe they spent the entire lunch period worrying about something that turned out to be fine.
If they answer, resist the temptation to immediately explain what they should have done.
Give them a chance to think it through themselves.
Sometimes our grandkids already know the lesson. They just need somewhere safe to say it out loud.
10. “Who was really nice to you today?”
This gives you another little window into their relationships.
Over time, you may begin recognizing the names that appear again and again.
Then one afternoon your grandchild might say:
“Grandma, remember Maya?”
And you’ll actually be able to say:
“Of course! She’s the friend who helped you with your project.”
That feels good to a child.
It tells them Grandma wasn’t just hearing them.
Grandma was listening.
11. “Was anything boring today?”
Not every conversation has to be deep!
Sometimes complaining together about a painfully boring school assembly is exactly the conversation that gets a quiet grandchild talking.
You can even have a little fun with it:
“On a scale from one to watching paint dry, how boring are we talking?”
You may be surprised how much more you hear once your grandchild realizes every conversation with Grandma doesn’t have to turn into a life lesson.
12. “Did anything make you nervous today?”
Children carry worries we don’t always see.
Presentations.
Friendships.
Tryouts.
Tests.
Sitting beside someone new.
Getting called on unexpectedly.
This question creates a gentle opening for those feelings.
If they say, “Nope,” leave it there.
You’ve still shown them something important:
Nervous feelings are safe to talk about with Grandma.
13. “What are you looking forward to tomorrow?”
This turns the conversation toward something positive.
Maybe they’re excited about seeing a friend, playing a sport, finishing a project, or simply getting through Wednesday because Thursday means pizza at lunch.
Their answer also tells you what’s important in their little world right now.
And the next day, you can remember to ask:
“How did that thing you were excited about go?”
That tiny follow-up can mean a lot.
14. “If I had been at school with you today, what would you have wanted to show me?”
I think this one is especially sweet.
You might hear:
“My art project.”
“Where I sit at lunch.”
“The giant spider outside our classroom.”
“My science experiment.”
“The place where my friends and I hang out.”
Suddenly, instead of interviewing them about school, you’re asking them to bring you into their world.
And for a moment, they do.
15. “What do you need from Grandma today?”
This may be my favorite of all.
Because sometimes they don’t need another question.
They need a snack.
A hug.
A joke.
Help with homework.
Someone to listen while they complain.
Someone to celebrate with them.
Or perhaps they simply want Grandma to stop asking questions and sit beside them for a while.
And that’s okay too.
You Don’t Have to Ask Them All
Please don’t greet your grandchild at the door with a clipboard and all 15 questions. 😄
Pick one.
Ask it naturally.
Then pay attention to the answer.
And if they give you a one-word response, don’t immediately fire off another five questions trying to get more information.
Some days our grandkids will talk our ears off.
Other days we’ll get:
“Fine.”
“Nothing.”
“I don’t know.”
“Can I have a snack?”
That’s normal.
You don’t have to turn every afternoon into a heart-to-heart conversation.
What matters is creating a pattern where talking to Grandma doesn’t always feel like a performance review.
Of course, we should still care about homework, tests, report cards, and whether they’re keeping up in school.
But those things are only one little piece of a much bigger child.
Because years from now, your grandchild probably won’t remember that Grandma always knew their math grade.
But they may remember that Grandma knew who their best friend was, what made them nervous, what made them laugh, what they were proud of, what they were looking forward to, and when they needed someone to simply listen.
And those are some pretty wonderful things for a grandma to know.