I think one of the hardest things for a grandmother to admit is that sometimes, our grandchildren seem to prefer their other grandma.
Maybe they get more excited when she calls. Maybe they ask to spend the weekend at her house but rarely ask to come to yours. Or perhaps you’ve noticed that they tell her things, share little secrets with her, and run straight into her arms at family gatherings while you stand there wondering what you’re doing wrong.
And goodness, that can sting a little!
We love our grandchildren with our whole hearts, so naturally, we want to feel just as special to them as they are to us.
But here’s something I’ve learned about grandparenting. Our grandchildren don’t always measure love the way we do. Their preferences are often shaped by comfort, experiences, personalities, and little things we might not even realize we’re doing.
And sometimes, there are things the other grandma does differently that we could learn from.
So today, let’s look at 12 honest reasons why a grandchild might seem to prefer their other grandmother, and what we can do about it without turning love into a competition.
1. Their Other Grandma Makes More Time for Them
We might love our grandchildren just as much as their other grandmother does, but children often feel closest to the people who consistently spend time with them.
Perhaps their other grandma picks them up from school, attends their games, or regularly invites them over.
Meanwhile, we might be busy with work, responsibilities, health concerns, or other commitments.
To a child, though, availability can sometimes feel like affection.
What we can do: We don’t necessarily need to spend more hours with our grandchildren. We can make the time we do have feel more meaningful. A weekly phone call, a special Saturday tradition, or simply remembering something important happening in their lives can make a difference.
2. They Feel More Comfortable Being Themselves Around Her
This one might be a little uncomfortable to think about.
Sometimes, grandchildren prefer the grandmother around whom they feel less pressure to behave a certain way.
Maybe their other grandma doesn’t comment on their clothes, question their hairstyle, or constantly remind them to sit properly.
Perhaps they can be silly, messy, loud, or even a little grumpy without feeling judged.
If we’re always correcting our grandchildren, even with good intentions, they might begin associating our presence with having to be on their best behavior.
What we can do: Pay attention to how often we’re correcting versus enjoying our grandchildren. Sometimes, the greatest gift we can give them is the freedom to relax and be themselves.
3. Their Other Grandma Takes More Interest in What They Love
I remember how easy it is to assume that because we’re older, we should be the ones teaching our grandchildren everything.
But sometimes, the grandmother who wins their attention is the one willing to become the student.
Maybe she asks about their favorite video games, watches their silly videos, listens to their favorite songs, or remembers the names of their friends.
She might not understand half of what they’re talking about, but she makes them feel that their interests matter.
And children notice that.
What we can do: Ask our grandchildren to teach us something they love. Even if it’s a game we don’t understand or music we’d never choose ourselves, our willingness to participate can mean the world to them.
4. She Doesn’t Compare Them to Their Siblings or Cousins
Sometimes, we make comparisons without even realizing it.
“Your brother was reading at your age.”
“Your cousin always helps her grandma.”
“Why can’t you be more like your sister?”
We might think we’re encouraging our grandchildren, but those comments can leave them feeling inadequate.
Their other grandma, meanwhile, might celebrate their individual strengths without mentioning anyone else.
And naturally, they may gravitate toward the person who makes them feel appreciated exactly as they are.
What we can do: Celebrate each grandchild’s unique personality, talents, and progress. Let them know they don’t have to compete with anyone for our approval.
5. Their Other Grandma Has More Fun Traditions With Them
Children absolutely love having something special to look forward to.
Maybe every visit to their other grandma’s house includes homemade pancakes, a movie night, baking cookies, or a trip to the park.
Over time, those little traditions become treasured memories.
And if visits to our house mostly involve sitting quietly while the adults talk, our grandchildren might naturally find the other experience more exciting.
That doesn’t mean we need to become full-time entertainers!
What we can do: Create one or two special traditions that belong to us and our grandchildren. They don’t need to be expensive or elaborate. Sometimes, a silly handshake or a regular card game is enough.
6. They Feel Less Guilty Saying No to Her
Here’s something we grandmas don’t always recognize.
Sometimes, our love comes with expectations we don’t mean to place on our grandchildren.
We might say things like:
“You never come to see me anymore.”
“I guess you’ve forgotten about your old grandma.”
“You always have time for everyone else.”
We may say these things jokingly, but our grandchildren might hear disappointment and guilt.
Their other grandma might simply say, “I’d love to see you whenever you have time.”
And that difference can make spending time with her feel easier.
What we can do: Invite our grandchildren into our lives without making them feel responsible for our happiness. We want them visiting because they enjoy being with us, not because they’re afraid of hurting our feelings.
7. Their Other Grandma Lives Closer
Now, this is one reason that has absolutely nothing to do with how good a grandmother we are.
If their other grandma lives ten minutes away while we live several hours away, she naturally has more opportunities to be part of their everyday lives.
She might attend school events, enjoy spontaneous visits, or help with little errands.
Those ordinary interactions can build a special kind of closeness.
And unfortunately, we can’t always change geography.
What we can do: Find creative ways to stay present from a distance. Voice messages, video calls, handwritten letters, and little shared activities can help our grandchildren feel connected to us even when we’re miles apart.
8. They Feel More Heard When They Talk to Her
Have you ever caught yourself giving advice before your grandchild has finished explaining something?
I certainly think it’s something many of us grandmas can relate to!
We have decades of experience, and when our grandchildren face problems, our first instinct is to help them solve everything.
But sometimes, children aren’t looking for solutions.
They simply want someone to listen.
If their other grandma gives them room to express their feelings without immediately correcting or advising them, they might feel more comfortable opening up to her.
What we can do: Practice listening without rushing to respond. A simple question like, “Would you like my advice, or would you rather I just listen?” can make our grandchildren feel respected.
9. Their Other Grandma Has Fewer Rules
Now, before anyone starts throwing out their house rules, hear me out!
Sometimes, grandchildren prefer the home where they can stay up a little later, have an extra cookie, or enjoy more freedom.
And yes, that can feel unfair when we’re the grandmother making sure they brush their teeth and don’t spend the entire afternoon staring at a screen.
But being the more permissive grandma doesn’t necessarily mean being the better grandma.
Children need loving boundaries, too.
What we can do: Keep the rules that matter, especially those involving safety and respect, but consider whether some smaller restrictions are truly necessary. We can be responsible grandmothers while still making our homes enjoyable places to visit.
10. She Has a Different Relationship With Their Parents
This is a delicate one, but it’s important.
Our grandchildren’s relationships with us can sometimes be influenced by the relationships we have with their parents.
If there’s tension, frequent criticism, or unresolved disagreements between our adult children and us, family visits might feel uncomfortable.
Their other grandma may have a more relaxed relationship with the parents, making visits easier to arrange and more enjoyable for everyone.
Children are often surprisingly good at sensing tension, even when adults think they’re hiding it.
What we can do: Work toward a respectful relationship with our adult children and their partners. Avoid criticizing their parenting decisions in front of the grandchildren, and try not to place children in the middle of adult disagreements.
11. Their Other Grandma Is Better at Respecting Their Privacy
As our grandchildren get older, privacy becomes increasingly important.
A teenager might tell us about a crush, a friendship problem, or something embarrassing that happened at school.
If we immediately share that information with their parents, siblings, or other relatives, even because we think it’s funny or harmless, they might think twice before confiding in us again.
Their other grandma might be more careful about keeping personal conversations private.
And trust can be a powerful reason why grandchildren feel closer to one adult than another.
What we can do: Treat our grandchildren’s personal information with respect. Ask permission before sharing their stories or photos, and don’t turn their embarrassing moments into family entertainment. Of course, serious safety concerns are different and may require involving a trusted adult.
12. They Feel That Their Other Grandma Loves Them Without Expecting Anything in Return
This might be the most important reason of all.
Sometimes, without meaning to, we make our grandchildren feel that they need to demonstrate their love for us.
We expect hugs, phone calls, thank-you messages, regular visits, and enthusiastic reactions to the gifts we give them.
And when they don’t respond the way we hoped, our disappointment might show.
Their other grandma may simply enjoy whatever affection they offer without asking for more.
She might not complain when they forget to call or take it personally when they aren’t in the mood for a hug.
That kind of unconditional acceptance can make a child feel wonderfully secure.
What we can do: Remind our grandchildren that our love isn’t something they need to earn or constantly prove. We can express our own needs and feelings kindly without making them responsible for reassuring us.
One Thing I Hope Every Grandma Remembers
After reading these twelve reasons, I hope none of us walks away feeling that we need to become someone completely different to win our grandchildren’s affection.
Because that’s not what grandparenting should be about.
And sometimes, despite doing everything we can to build a beautiful relationship, a grandchild might still seem closer to their other grandma.
Perhaps they share a similar personality. Maybe they spent more time together during their early childhood. Or perhaps they’re simply going through a phase where one relationship feels more appealing than another.
None of those things automatically means we’re doing something wrong.
And we certainly shouldn’t start competing through expensive gifts, extravagant outings, or promises we can’t keep.
Our grandchildren should never feel that loving one grandma means betraying the other.
In fact, one of the loveliest things we can do is encourage their relationship with their other grandmother, even when we occasionally feel a little jealous.
Because having two grandmothers who love them is a blessing, not a competition.
And here’s something else worth remembering.
Being the favorite grandma today doesn’t guarantee being the closest grandma tomorrow.
Relationships grow and change. The grandchild who currently prefers visiting their other grandma might one day turn to us for advice, comfort, encouragement, or simply a familiar voice when life gets difficult.
What matters most is that we continue showing up with patience, kindness, and genuine interest.
We don’t need to be the funniest grandma, the wealthiest grandma, or the grandma with the biggest house.
We just need to be someone our grandchildren know they can count on.
And if we ever find ourselves wondering why they seem to prefer their other grandma, perhaps the most helpful question isn’t, “How can I make them love me more?”
It’s “How can I make the time they spend with me feel even more loving, comfortable, and special?”
Because in the end, dear grandmas, the goal isn’t to be loved more than their other grandmother.
It’s to make sure our grandchildren never have to question how deeply they’re loved by us.