One of the greatest joys of being a grandmother is knowing that our grandchildren see us as steady, dependable, and safe. They often look at us as the ones who will always show up, listen without judgment, and keep our word. But there’s a truth we don’t like to admit: sometimes, we lean on excuses more often than we realize.
Excuses may seem harmless in the moment, after all, life gets busy, health changes, and circumstances shift. But to a child, hearing excuses again and again slowly chips away at their confidence in us. Instead of feeling secure, they may begin to wonder if they can really count on us at all.
Let’s take a heartfelt look at 12 common excuses grandmothers sometimes make, why they can be damaging, and how we can turn them into opportunities to build trust instead of breaking it.
1. “I forgot.”
Forgetting happens to all of us, especially as the years go by. But when we continually forget birthdays, school events, or even small promises like calling back or bringing over cookies, grandchildren may begin to feel unimportant.
Instead of just apologizing with “I forgot,” we can take steps to prevent it. Writing things down in a calendar, setting reminders on our phones, or even asking our grandchild to help remind us can turn forgetfulness into a bonding opportunity. They’ll see that we care enough to try.
2. “I’m too tired.”
Tiredness is real; our bodies don’t move as quickly as they once did, and energy is not always steady. But when our default response is, “I’m too tired,” a child may hear, “You wear me out,” or “You’re too much work.”
The truth is, we don’t need to run and play for hours to be present. Even inviting them to sit beside us for a story, a card game, or just a chat shows them they matter. Sometimes, a little effort while resting can mean more than hours of activity.
3. “I’ll do it later.”
Later can be a dangerous word in a child’s world. To them, “later” often translates to “never.” When we push off simple requests like playing a game, baking cookies, or even answering a question, we unintentionally teach them that their needs aren’t urgent enough.
Instead, we can be specific: “I’ll play with you after I fold this laundry,” or “We’ll bake cookies right after lunch.” Giving them a clear timeframe shows we value both them and our commitments.
4. “I don’t have time.”
Life is full of responsibilities, doctors’ appointments, household chores, and church commitments. But grandchildren notice when time is made for television, phone calls, or scrolling, and not for them.
We may not always have hours to spend, but even a short phone call or a quick note tucked into their backpack says, “I have time for you.” It’s less about the amount of time and more about the priority we give them.
5. “That’s your parents’ job.”
Yes, parents hold the main responsibility for raising children. But when we lean too heavily on this excuse, it can make us seem like we’re avoiding involvement rather than sharing in their lives.
When a grandchild comes to us with homework questions, emotional worries, or even a desire to play, it’s not always about needing a solution; it’s about wanting our presence. Simply saying, “I may not have all the answers, but I’ll sit with you while we figure it out,” strengthens their trust in us.
6. “I can’t afford it.”
Children don’t understand money the way adults do. When we repeatedly say, “I can’t afford it,” they may start to believe love and money are linked.
Instead, we can remind them that the best gifts don’t cost anything. Reading bedtime stories, teaching them old songs, or going for walks are free but priceless in their eyes. This helps them see our love is not measured by our wallets but by our hearts.
7. “I’m too old for that.”
Saying this makes us sound disconnected from their world. It may even create the belief that age equals disinterest.
Of course, we can’t run marathons or play rough sports, but we can join in creatively. If we can’t chase them in a game of tag, we can be the “referee.” If we can’t climb into their play fort, we can help decorate it. Showing enthusiasm—rather than shutting things down with “too old”—keeps the door open for connection.
8. “Maybe next time.”
Consistency is the key to trust. If “next time” becomes our go-to response, children soon stop believing us.
Instead of vague promises, we can anchor “next time” to something real: “Next time you visit on Saturday, we’ll bake that cake together.” Following through on those commitments strengthens their confidence in us more than any words ever could.
9. “I don’t understand your generation.”
This may feel harmless, but to a child, it sounds like we don’t care to try. Dismissing their music, games, or slang builds a wall between us.
We don’t have to understand everything, they don’t expect that. What they do notice is curiosity. Saying, “I don’t know that song, but can you play it for me?” or “Teach me how that game works,” not only bridges the gap but makes them proud to share their world with us.
10. “I don’t feel like it.”
Children are experts at reading between the lines. When we say, “I don’t feel like it,” they may believe we’re unwilling to put in effort for them.
Of course, moods matter, and we shouldn’t pretend to be endlessly cheerful. But finding small ways to participate—even if it’s just watching them play, offering encouragement, or sharing a smile- shows them that our love doesn’t depend on how we feel in the moment.
11. “I’m too busy.”
A grandchild should never feel they’re competing with chores or schedules. Hearing “too busy” repeatedly can make them believe they rank low on our list.
Even in busy seasons, little gestures, calling during a lunch break, sending a text, or leaving a voice message, say, “You matter to me.” Children remember these touches of effort long after the details of our busyness are forgotten.
12. “That’s not important.”
This excuse is the most damaging of all. When we brush off their stories, questions, or worries as “not important,” we aren’t just lowering their confidence in us; we may be lowering their confidence in themselves.
To a child, the “small” things are enormous. The crooked drawing they want to show us, the school story they want to tell, or even the question they’re shy to ask all carry deep meaning. Listening with interest teaches them that they are important, and that their world is worth sharing.
Closing Thoughts
Excuses are easy. They roll off the tongue in seconds and seem harmless. But over time, they create distance, disappointment, and doubt in the very relationships we hold most dear.
The good news? It’s never too late to change the story. Even when we can’t say yes to everything, we can offer honesty, effort, and follow-through. Instead of leaning on excuses, we can lean on love.
Because when our grandchildren know they can count on us—when our words match our actions—they not only trust us more, they begin to trust themselves more. And that’s a gift no excuse could ever give.