Being a grandmother is pure joy. Our hearts feel like they could burst every time those little arms wrap around our necks. We get to love without limits, play without pressure, and finally enjoy the sweet rewards of parenting, without having to be the bad guy.
But here’s a funny truth about grandparenting that no one really talks about: when your grandchild has two sets of grandparents, you’re not just part of a family, you’re part of a quiet little balancing act. There’s your role, their role, and the unspoken understanding that everyone wants to be important in the grandchild’s life.
The tricky part? Even when our hearts are in the right place, some of the most innocent things we do can ruffle the feathers of our “in-laws,” grandparents, the other side of the grandparenting team. We don’t mean to! But our excitement, pride, and grandmotherly instincts can accidentally stir up feelings of rivalry, annoyance, or quiet resentment.
If you’ve ever seen the other grandma give a polite smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes, one of these ten habits might be the reason. Let’s have a little laugh at ourselves and maybe learn a few ways to keep the peace along the way.
1. Calling Ourselves “The Favorite Grandma” (Even as a Joke)
It starts as a giggle. We scoop our grandchild into our arms and whisper, “You know I’m your favorite, right?” To us, it’s a playful moment of bonding. But if the other grandparents are anywhere in earshot, that joke can feel like a jab.
Even if we’re only kidding, those words have weight. Grandparents can be just as sensitive as toddlers when it comes to feeling left out. A little teasing can turn into a quiet tally of who the child “loves more,” a game no one really wants to play.
Grandma tip: Keep the joke between you and the mirror. Share the love out loud, not the competition.
2. Giving Extra Treats or Surprises
We grandmothers have a weakness, it’s called spoiling with snacks and surprises. Maybe it’s slipping a cookie before dinner, maybe it’s stopping by with a little toy we saw at the store. Our hearts scream, “This is how memories are made!”
But to the other grandparents, it can feel like a silent contest for the title of “Fun One.” And if they’re the type to follow all the rules, our sweet rebellion might rub them the wrong way.
Grandma tip: Surprises are sweeter when shared. If you’re bringing treats, offer to get some for the other grandparents, too, or better yet, invite them to join the fun.
3. Hogging the Grandkids During Visits
We don’t even notice we’re doing it. Our arms just instinctively open first. We read the bedtime story. We play the backyard game. We sit next to them at dinner.
Meanwhile, the other grandparents may be sitting on the sidelines, waiting for their chance to shine. And if every family gathering ends with us holding the spotlight, resentment can quietly simmer.
Grandma tip: Pass the baton literally. Offer the baby a cuddle. Step back during the game. Nothing makes the heart bigger than sharing the joy.
4. Posting Pictures First on Social Media
Oh, the thrill of showing off that little face! We’re bursting with pride when our grandchild takes their first step, performs in the school play, or just looks adorable at the park.
But if we post the picture before the other grandparents—or worse, before the parents—it can feel like we “claimed the memory.” Social media has turned moments into mini competitions, and even the most loving grandma can accidentally start a quiet race.
Grandma tip: Ask first. Let the parents or the other grandparents share if they want to. Being the second to post never hurt anyone.
5. Bringing Bigger or Flashier Gifts
Sometimes we just can’t help ourselves. We see a bike, a dollhouse, or the softest blanket and think, “They’ll remember this forever!”
But if the other grandparents are the type to bring smaller or more practical gifts, our grand gesture can feel like a showstopper they didn’t sign up for. Suddenly, Christmas or birthdays can turn into an unspoken pageant of “Who gave the best gift?”
Grandma tip: Big gifts are fine, but maybe coordinate first. Or save the big surprises for private visits, letting family gatherings be about connection, not comparison.
6. Talking About “Our Traditions” Too Much
We’re proud of our special moments. “Every Christmas, we bake cookies together!” “Every summer, they spend a week at Grandma’s!”
But if we gush too much about our traditions, it can feel to the other grandparents like they’re extras in our family story rather than co-stars. They may feel left out or quietly wish for their own “signature” memories.
Grandma tip: Share your joy, but leave room for theirs. Ask about their traditions and celebrate them out loud. Kids benefit from all the love.
7. Offering Too Many Opinions on the Grandkids’ Lives
We’ve raised kids. We know things. And sometimes it’s hard to watch from the sidelines when we think the grandchild should be doing this or that.
But voicing too many opinions about their schedule, activities, or discipline can make the other grandparents feel like we’re claiming authority, or worse, like we’re subtly judging.
Grandma tip: Keep advice light and sprinkle it like sugar, not salt. Encouragement travels farther than instruction.
8. Always Being the First to Volunteer
It feels wonderful to help, whether it’s babysitting, school pickups, or taking the kids for a weekend. But when we always jump in first, the other grandparents can feel like there’s no room for them to contribute.
Sometimes, they want to help too. They just might be slower to speak up—or less available during the week—but still eager to be involved.
Grandma tip: Pause before volunteering. Ask, “Would you like to do this one?” Sharing responsibility can make the bond stronger for everyone.
9. Claiming “Grandma Nicknames” as Ours Alone
Our grandma’s name is special. Whether we’re Nana, Mimi, Gigi, or Grandma, we wear it like a crown. But if we insist that our name is the only special one or tease that theirs is “boring”—it can sting.
Even playful comments about names can trigger quiet feelings of “less-than.”
Grandma tip: Celebrate the variety! Kids love having different names for different grandparents. It makes the love feel unique, not ranked.
10. Bragging a Bit Too Loudly
Oh, the pride we feel when our grandchild chooses to FaceTime us, begs to come to our house, or shows off a picture we drew together. We want the world to know!
But if we gush too much in front of the other grandparents, they may feel like we’re waving our closeness like a little flag. Family love isn’t a competition, but sometimes it feels like one when pride gets too loud.
Grandma tip: Save the gushing for your diary… or at least your friends outside the family. Within the grandparent circle, share joy, not scoreboards.
Grace, Humor, and a Shared Goal
Here’s what I remind myself: the other grandparents love these little ones just as fiercely as I do. None of us are trying to “win.” We’re all here for the same reason—to see these children grow up safe, loved, and happy.
So when I catch myself leaning into one of these habits, I take a breath and remember: family harmony lasts longer than the thrill of any little “grandma victory.” And in the end, the more we work together, the richer our grandchildren’s world becomes.
Because truly, the best gift we can give them isn’t cookies, toys, or traditions. It’s a family where every grandparent is a friend, and love flows freely in all directions.