"Grandma Advice" is an ongoing advice column. All opinions and thoughts should be taken lightly, and you should always seek expert help when necessary. Thank you.
Dear Devoted Grandma, Lately, I've been struggling with feelings of invisibility and irrelevance. My children have grown up and are engrossed in their busy lives. My grandkids are all teenagers now, consumed with school, sports, and social activities. It seems like they don't need me anymore. I used to be the hub of my family, but now I feel like I'm barely a spoke in the wheel. Sometimes, when I'm alone in my quiet house, I ask myself, "Do I even have a reason for existing anymore?" What's the point if I'm no longer needed? Sincerely, Karen from Georgia
Dear Karen,
Your words cut deep, and not just through the screen, but through the collective hearts of so many grandmas who have walked in your shoes, including myself. The emptiness you’re feeling is both soul-stirring and familiar, a stark contrast to the years when your presence was a constant request, almost a demand. When life makes you question your worth and purpose, it’s like a void swallowing you whole, taking with it your joy and vigor.
But Karen, while it may seem like you’re surrounded by a thick fog, unable to find your way back to the days where you felt needed and vital, it’s crucial to remember: your worth is not solely determined by how much you’re needed. You are not just a utility, present to solve problems, cook meals, or babysit. You are a woman of value, of experiences, of wisdom and love that has been years in the making.
There is a quiet beauty in this stage of life, a beauty found in freedom and self-discovery. While you may not be the hub you once were, you still are an essential spoke in the wheel, helping it to turn, even if it’s from a distance. The love you’ve sown in the lives of your children and grandchildren doesn’t expire when they grow up. It continues to flourish in ways that may not always be visible to you.
Your existence has left indelible marks on the lives of those you love. The moments you’ve created, the wisdom you’ve shared, and the love you’ve given—all these continue to live in them. Though they might not express it, your family still needs you, not necessarily to do things for them but to be a person only you can be—a mom, a grandma, and more importantly, yourself.
You are still the woman who can make a house a home, whose laughter can lighten hearts, and whose words can mend them. Never underestimate the power of your presence, your love, or your life.
So, here’s my heartfelt plea: When you question your existence, look for the ripples you’ve caused, the lives you’ve touched, and the love you’ve spread. You were needed, you are needed, and you will always be needed in ways that are beyond the physical and tangible.
