Today’s Dilemma: “Will They Still Know Me?”

Disclaimer: Devoted Grandma is reader-supported. If you purchase anything through my site, I may receive a small commission (at no cost to you). Thank you.

Print this article

It’s been several years since Grandma Lillian has seen her grandchildren, now ages 9 and 12. Life, distance, and complex family schedules created a gap she never wanted, but here it is.

Next week, her son is finally bringing the kids for a visit. Lillian has been dusting off board games, buying craft supplies she thinks they might enjoy, and even browsing toy aisles with a bewildered look.

But doubt keeps tapping her shoulder:
What if they’ve outgrown these things? What if they’re bored? What if I don’t know who they’ve become, and they don’t know me?

She wants so much to make their time together warm and meaningful… she just isn’t sure how to begin.


🌸 How Should Grandma Lillian Prepare for the Visit?

A. Buy lots of toys, games, and activities “just in case,” filling the house with options so they can’t possibly be disappointed.
B. Avoid planning anything at all—just wait and see what the kids do when they arrive, following whatever they choose.
C. Ask her son to give her a detailed list of everything the children currently like and plan a packed schedule based on that.
D. Prepare a simple, cozy welcome and plan to ask the grandchildren directly what they enjoy now, letting the visit unfold naturally. ✔️ (Correct today!)



A gentle, open-hearted approach that gives room for connection to grow.


🌼 Option A: Buying “Everything Just in Case.”

It’s easy to feel the longing behind this choice. When a grandmother hasn’t seen her grandchildren for years, she may feel pressure to “make up” for the time apart by offering a cascade of fun things. In her heart, she wants to show she’s been thinking of them — and that’s beautiful.

But piling the house with toys and activities often creates the opposite experience of what she hopes for. Too many options can make children feel overwhelmed or uncertain about what Grandma expects them to choose. It may even unintentionally turn the visit into a performance rather than a warm reunion.

And for Grandma Lillian, it adds unnecessary stress. Love doesn’t need excess; it needs presence.


🌼 Option B: Doing No Planning at All

There is something lovely about going with the flow. Life with children can be delightfully unpredictable, and we don’t always need to script it.

But choosing no plan whatsoever can subtly communicate disinterest, even if that’s far from Grandma’s intention. Children feel more grounded when they arrive at a home where a bit of thoughtful preparation has taken place — even if it’s simple: a tidy space, a snack, a greeting that feels warm and ready.

This option leans too far into passivity and risks missing the chance to show love through gentle anticipation.


🌼 Option C: Requesting a Detailed List and Planning Tightly

Gathering information from parents can certainly help, and many grandmothers do this with the best intentions. But a detailed list — followed by a fully scheduled visit, can make everything feel too structured.

Kids don’t necessarily enjoy the same things with Grandma that they enjoy at home. And a packed itinerary can take away the spontaneity that helps relationships breathe and bond. More importantly, asking the parents for a list bypasses the opportunity for Grandma to learn directly from the children themselves — a key step in reconnecting after years apart.

This option is caring, but overly rigid.


🌼 Option D: Creating a Simple Welcome and Asking the Kids Directly 🌟 (Today’s BEST response)

Option D strikes the perfect balance, warm, thoughtful, and open.

By preparing a cozy, welcoming environment without overfilling the day with predetermined plans, Grandma Lillian shows that she’s been thinking about the children without guessing who they’ve become. It’s a gentle, respectful way to honor their growth.

Then, by asking the children directly about their interests, she gives them a gift far greater than toys or schedules: the gift of being seen. Children appreciate when an adult speaks to them with genuine curiosity, as it tells them they matter, their preferences matter, and their individuality is welcome.

This option naturally rebuilds trust and connection. It creates space for conversation, rediscovery, and shared joy. It also relieves Grandma of the burden of “performing” or entertaining, letting love lead instead of worry.


🌺 Final Thoughts: Letting Love Lead the Way

Reconnecting after years apart can stir up a tender mix of excitement and fear for any grandmother. It’s normal to wonder whether the children have changed so much that you no longer know how to reach them. But love doesn’t require perfect preparation — it requires openness.

By choosing Option D, Grandma Lillian begins this new chapter with honesty, warmth, and humility. She invites the children to show her who they are today. She gives them room to step forward. And she gives herself permission to learn, to listen, and to enjoy the unfolding of a relationship renewed.

Remember, dear Grandma: your presence is the gift. Your curiosity is the bridge. And your love — steady, patient, and wise — is already more than enough. 🌷

Love being a grandma?
then you’ll love my daily email.

Every morning I write to 88,500 grandmas to start their day off on the right foot — one warm story with your coffee. It’s uplifting, fun, and always completely free. Give it a try below!

Join the daily letter — it’s free.